Start Asking {breaking the silence}

So this week is NIAW and Resolve’s theme is #StartAsking…. And I’ve been thinking about that alot this week. I always keep coming back to the thing of why don’t people ask me things? Why don’t they ask me what it’s like? Why don’t they acknowledge that they think about it. Why do they carelessly talk about things in my face pretending like it doesn’t affect me? Why do they not come out and ask or say things instead of ignoring the obvious. Me not having a birth story and kids is just as normal to me, as it is for you to have a birth story and kids. Why is one constantly talked about and the other isn’t dared to be uttered above a whisper? And I realized it’s my own fault. I don’t normalize it. I shy away from being open and honest. I don’t speak about it so … Continue reading

In this moment..

I keep a huge widget of my calendar on my phone so I can see the next few days at a glance, because normally I have so many appointments, plans, schedules to remember that I’d explode trying to remember it all without a resource reminding me of them. But. Not this month. This next week simply looks like this.  This past month has been full of the above. {aka not much}  I’ve taken the time to grieve (& still do),  I’ve redone our bedroom (pretty much done), I’ve wiped down my cupboards, I’ve washed less than a drainerful of daily dishes, I’ve babysat for others, I’ve sat at the coffee shop, I’ve done tons of lazy window shopping, I’ve gone running/walking basically everyday, I’ve listened to podcasts, worshiped in music, finished my Gilmore Girls show, I’ve been writing & praying & reading God’s Word, hubby & I have gone on numerous last … Continue reading

Foto Friday ~ Yoder Family

Last fall I offered to take some family photos for our little church group to use for the calendars I was making… I just loved it! It gave me the opportunity to branch out and practice without feeling pressured to get a perfect shot. And I was pleasantly pleased with the outcomes. Plus we had a beautiful huge yard/field with lots of trees in amazing fall colors, adorned with an old barn right beside a nice pond….Ahh 🙂 picture perfect. First we had Jesse & Sarah Yoder –I am so blessed to know this sweet family. Sarah is such a wonderful mother and is also blessed with an amazing creativity and shares some of that on her blog. I’ve especially enjoyed getting to know her more in the past year and sharing in our growing walks with the Lord. Their dedication to their kids and doing special things with them sure … Continue reading

Foto Friday ~ Shania

I have tons and tons of pictures..one of my goals is to get most of them onto my blog. For my records and for you to see 🙂 So I decided to take a plunge and try to post something “foto-wise” on Fridays… We shall see how it goes. Leave me your feedback, tips, and criticisms. Instead of going back into my gallery today, I actually took my niece out into the field across the road of my house. I get so tormented every spring with this amaaazing yellow fields—anyone else want to go play?  It was a pretty cloudy today, so didn’t get quite get the results I wanted, but the best part? When we were done, Shania says, “That was FUN!” Shania Brooke Hostetler; 2 1/2 years old just this week!  

Out with the Dead, in with LIFE

We recently had the opportunity of hosting some ‘new friends’ and we were really blessed in sharing time with each other, along with parts of our stories, and praying together. As they were preparing to leave, I gave them a print of the above photo along with our contact info. A lil bit later she comes back to me and says that as she was looking at this photo she saw something she felt like she was supposed to share. She sensed that like as in the picture, the background looks dead and brown with old buildings, and the foreground is just lightly turning green and showing life. That it is where we are at in our life right now; even though behind us we have had hard times where things seemed kinda dead, old and brown…that they are starting to change. And we will be beginning a new kind of life-that is … Continue reading

The Pathway and the Finger Sketching it..

It’s dreary and 45 degrees today.. My spirit is heavy. I know God has such an immense plan for us. The journey we are on is so beautiful and yet the process can be so painful. Why does pain need to be involved? And yet I welcome it. I welcome God to use it. Knowing that it is refining me – getting rid of junk. And to uncover a jewel lots of refining, purging, sanding away needs to take place. There is incredible beauty from pain. Dear God, use this pain as part of your purifying process. Teach me your way. I know You are sovereign. You are so mighty. I know you are in control. I know this because you are my King and I submit my life to You. I gave You my desire for a family. I placed it in Your Hands and continued serving you. Sometimes … Continue reading

Maternity ~Micah&Jayne~

So I’m slowly but surely getting caught up with all my ‘winter computer projects’…  My computer gave me a number of scares- I mean seriously: praying-to-God-that-it-somehow-starts-again-and-I-promise-I’ll-backup-my-pictures-ASAP kind of prayer. And He answered. PTL. So now I have a new computer and all my pictures are safely on a passport. During that process I realized just how MANY pictures I truly do have-wow- you would freak out at the number so I will spare you! But I am starting the phase of editing and organizing them [amongst many other things] so I may be posting more of my photo-shoots on here. {disclaimer: I enjoy taking pictures and constantly learning new things, BUT I do not class myself as a professional photographer -so look at it through the eyes of it being a hobby and I would love your feedback and any kind of tips!} Last November I had the opportunity to do my second … Continue reading

2014 -The Painfully Beautiful Year

I’m hearing a lot of; “Oh this past year has been the greatest one yet.”    “It’s been the best year of my life.”    “2014 was such a great year, ready for another one!”    “The past year was full of so many good things-welcome to the New Year.” And so it got me thinking…of my past year.. And I couldn’t help it. Pretty soon tears were sliding down my cheeks. This past year was probably the hardest year of my life. In some ways it could almost seem like a ‘wasted year’ with no real big accomplishments to show for. But, deep in my soul I felt a stirring, a peace and a smile through my tears,  gently telling me that those 12 months of difficulty, tears, and pain were not for nothing. They were moments of ‘hands-on teaching’ from my Abba Father. I learned how to speak more … Continue reading

Playmates /post surgery

Here’s who came and saw me today! My 2 adorable nieces…it sure cheered my afternoon just watching them play! And seeing all these tiny dolls and miniature little strollers and swing. And the teeny puppies that stayed ‘magnetted’ to the mama dogs mouth! Aww yes I know I sound like a kid! 🙂 And of course we can’t forget the handsome lil guy, which was trying so hard to be ‘all-boy’ with so much girl-ness all around him! And just a lil update on my progress; since a shower alone seems to exhaust me I just frequently wash my hair in the sink and today I managed to do it alone.                                                      I am trying so hard to not become discouraged…all I want to do is … Continue reading

Run to the Doctor /post surgery

It really is quite strange to not have all those bandages on and actually be able to see what all they did. The worst thing is it feel so unsupported. We still wrap it up with ACE bandages, but with all the gauze gone the brace is so loose and when I walk it really hurts to try and put weight on it. Kinda feels like it is gonna ‘give way’. So I called the Dr and they said we can come upright away and they will adjust it. So as soon as someone could come take my Hubby’s place in the combine he took me to the Dr. I actually just saw his assistant Ms Diane Miller. She not only fixed the brace, she showed us how all the straps work! It’s quite the contraption!! But once it’s all explained, it’s actually kinda easy; but it sure had looked … Continue reading