Ugh, my stomach literally feels upset. Nerves. Today I am packing up my lil big girl and sending her to her ‘new home’. (as we so lovingly call it) Another transition for her. Number seven in just the last two years of her four year old life. Actually, that’s just from the past two years that I have known her, it’s hard to say where all she lived before then.

So she well knows and understands what is coming. It has been a week of trauma unlike I have ever experienced. Tears over basically nothing, whining, upset stomach, questions, resentment, lying, dejectedness, lack of appetite and did I say tears?.. SO grateful for the authority and power we have over these things in Jesus Name. Whew though, sometimes you just want it all to STOP instead of taking the time to stop and guide her through it. I’m the first to admit it wasn’t a pretty week, but God was so good through us in the midst of it all.

The other night after bedtime prayers, as I was tucking the blanket around her; I leaned down close to her face and whispered, “Miss ____, I am so sorry for all that you are feeling right now….. Immediately tears welled up in her little eyes. She knew what I meant without me saying more. We’ve talked about what emotions we feel when we go through certain things. Why she is struggling with everything this week. She asks again, “Does Jesus have power?” “Yep, all you need to do is say Jesus, He is always right there with you and stronger than anything else.” [..just a tiny excerpt of our conversation that followed..]

So yeah, #Glitterbug left again a few days ago. I am truly excited to see her go and begin life with her new forever family and biological Dad. It will be a big transition, but a good one. She hasn’t lived with black culture before and like we learned in training; we can love them and care for them as much as possible, we can never be blood-family-connected or give that to them. [Please don’t misunderstand, I am not against adoption, but that blood connection is something we cannot fill and it’s a huge gift to have family be reconnected. The sole purpose of foster-care by the way.] It is a tremendous gift she will appreciate as she grows older, to be exposed to and get to understand and appreciate that side of her culture. A big loss is to be separated from her brothers she grew up with in the past year, but she is gaining older siblings.

It tore me up today, we did pretty well going through her stuff, packing what she wanted to take along and discussing what’s happening. I leave the room and then hear sobs, almost screaming. “But I just want to go for a visit and come back to you.” So we just hug and cry together. And pray. Again. I keep asking God to redeem this pain in her life and let her be dynamite for Him. To destroy those voices and rejection. To cover her. I know without a doubt, that even though I feel helpless to help her. I have a purpose in her life. Prayer.

Shout out to my in-laws for loving her (and us) so well.. It has been a big adjustment into this foster care life for them. But I cherish these supportive moments. A thoughtful farewell dinner and little party. Sweet touches all around. Flowers specially delivered along with gummy bears the night before. Goodbye hugs without too much emphasis on the why. Last minute play-dates. A book dropped off just in time so she can take her favorite story along. [And if you want a really good book for an interrogative kid, about God in daily life, pick up this book!]

May you always leave a little sparkle wherever you go. 

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