by Julia | Apr 28, 2017 | When God Writes your Baby Story
This week is NIAW and I have been very quiet over here.. Well, quiet on the blog. I have been really busy and I have been writing, but I always chicken out from posting. I thought I could get more courage this year to share more of my heart. But then we got 4 lil foster kiddoes the beginning of the year and my time to write and even be online has measurably decreased. SO, for now I am learning how to embrace this season and share as the Lord leads.
But last night I started doing an Instagram post on this years topic #ListenUp by Resolve. And realized it was going to get lengthy, so thought I would just type up a bit today.
Not sure how to share what all I have been thinking about this week. It seems so hard to believe that it has been 4 years already since we blissfully thought we were beginning the next part of our dream-life-come-true. Some days I just really don’t want to think about it, and other days I allow myself to walk down that dream driveway.. What if we would have gotten pregnant and would have a lil forever family of our own? What if we would know what it is like to have to figure out what kind of birth control we should use?? What if we would know what a mini us looks like? What if we would know the joy and feelings of being pregnant? What if we would understand the pain of childbirth? What if we would need to buy a new house because ours was getting too full? What if we would have to decide what pediatrician to use, or whether we should vaccinate our child or not? I. DON’T. KNOW.
Sometimes it all feels like some kind of mean dream that somehow we should be able to fix. THIS is not the life we had dreamed of or talked about or planned. All those dreams and longings come back as bitter tears and pain instead of the joy and laughter we had imagined they would gain us. It feels like it’s all spinning and we have absolutely NO control over anything in our life. Like, Why can’t we at least figure out something and have it go the way we dream? Should we release it and find a new dream?
Yup, even though we have found a peace in the journey and are staying busy. It never goes away. There are definitely many, many days where we don’t agonize over it or even question it; but there are days when we do wonder what is next? And we do wonder why God chose us to be here? It does not make sense, but we know and have experienced that God is a Redeemer of our pain. He can use all of it. Sometimes I just want to stop allowing the pain to change me in an effort to let God know that I’m done & hope that He won’t allow more. But, His gentle Holy Spirit always convicts & challenges me…….. So, I didn’t come on here to preach, I just wanted to share to encourage you to ListenUp to those around you. Even if they seem like all is fine and they have reached a peace, God is never done. They may need a listening ear for the next step/struggle in their journey. ……. Most importantly I want YOU to know that I am here to ListenUp to you. If you are struggling at times, please let me pray for you. let me virtually hug you and tell you, I understand. We are not here to get stuck, but to be REAL.
Peace and ears to all,
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog [top right corner] or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
by Julia | Dec 10, 2016 | Foster Care, Meditations, Our Captured Life
Nothing like waking up at 6:30 on the first morning of your vacation. Clearly my mind needs to realize we are on vacation. And the best way to do that is to write it out, and beings its still dark and hubby is sleeping, I grab my computer instead of pen n paper..
Yesterday we said good-bye to the twins we’ve had in our home since July. We knew it was coming for awhile and had been having overnight visits, so the transfer went good and in a way it still doesn’t seem real. Like, we’ll just come home and go get them again, right? But I knew in my heart it was different when we dropped them off this time. And oh, it hurt. Why do the tears always insist on coming when I just want a composed good-bye, but instead have to rush away? Each one of our lil munchkins situation has been a lil different, but generally my heart has mostly been heavy with, “What will happen to them? I wish they didn’t have to face this traumatic change and good-bye, I’m grieving their losses, their confused lil minds, their tomorrows.” But this time is different, and to be quite honest, it feels selfish. But I can’t lie on paper. I’m really grieving my loss this time. Don’t get me wrong, I 150% care about those babies and will invest in them whenever I can, I know it has affected them, albeit we didn’t see nearly the fear as in some of the others. And I know because of power in prayer, they will adapt and adjust quite quickly. Sadly, they will probably even forget us. BUT…I didn’t ever want to say good-bye. What’s going to happen to my dream of raising twins? I don’t want to lose them. I just really didn’t want to go thru this right now……yep, I
know, it feels so selfish. But herein is the pain. 
I read a quote the other day about how we embrace pain? I know I need to move forward. But how do I know if I am embracing my pain or wallowing in it, or maybe I am ignoring it? How do I grow from it, let it do it’s purifying work? I’m sure there are more ways than one and I’d love to hear other people’s stories.. Here is something that I’ve been pondering since I read it and I believe there is something in it for me..but I’m still sorting thru it.. So. when we receive a blessing, a good thing. We receive it. We accept it. We rejoice. We don’t question, where did this come from? why me? we don’t resist it or try to avoid it. So when we receive a trial, a painful experience, we should likewise not question (I insert, obviously being mindful of discerning between attacks from the enemy vs God allowing you to walk this path, we never want to welcome havoc from the the devil. but in walking with God I know it can ALL be used to glorify Him if He allows it.) So, we don’t sit here questioning, why me? why this? we grieve. we rejoice. we embrace that this is FOR us. We don’t resist it. All of what comes our way, creating emotions, whether joyful or painful, are to teach us something.
For me, it’s super helpful to be able to recognize and know why I am feeling what I am feeling. Why do I feel this joy or pain. Like I was above. Being completely honest. Otherwise it seems like I am ignoring the real issue & just trying to quickly get thru the symptoms. Embrace the pain and hurt, shine Jesus on it and hear what He wants to say to me in all of this. I guess I tend to be one of those people that thinks everything happens for a reason and even tho there are MANY things that I still don’t know the reason for it. I want my heart to be open and learn and grow even in the most vulnerable, dark days. I would rather feel deeply both joy and pain, than to not feel at all.
Sigh, enough with that for now. Seriously the last 3 weeks I have felt like I’ve only been hanging on by a thread and every couple days that thread got ripped as well. I am such a, what people would call Type A personality. So whenever I had plans made and they were cancelled and changed multiple times day in and out, I was beyond wanting to plan anything. In the middle of it my sister reminded me that God always has a bigger plan that we can’t see and we just got to hold onto that, even in the minute details. It felt like it was all that was left to do anyway, so I just held on. And it got me thinking. So many times we plan things out, we think we know what is best. But we can’t see the big picture. Am I willing to let go of my agenda and allow God, who is looking at me from the future, plan my every detail? Or do I do everything within my power to make things go according to MY plan? What if we lived our lives with hands open wide, instead of it all clenched inside our fist, saying ‘This is how it’s going to go!’ It’s really hard for me, when things are falling apart, to not try and keep it all going according to plan. So I am asking God to let me be ok with letting go and going with His plan…
And let me be clear, I’m talking about the lil things. I know that when a big “life” situation is out of our control, it’s relatively easy to give it to God who controls it all. But what about our everyday plans that seemingly are in ‘our’ control? For example, our trip to Florida was rescheduled and we weren’t sure if we were even going to go this time. And it was all planned so we could relax and leave.. turns out I left without vacuuming, cleaning or having my Christmas decor out. Yes, the girl who loves Christmas doesn’t even know if she’s wanting to get Christmas out. (lets be real, of course I will, it may just be for a week tho.) And if you know anything about me, that pretty much never happens, my house is clean before I go anywhere long distance. Something my Mama taught me! (and I’m silently hoping the ladybugs on the ceiling don’t entirely take over our residence.) But we had an appointment and had to go….. It’s in these things that I’m learning, Let go….
So yup, while I feel quite a bit weary and sad. I am officially in Florida. And I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who blesses me with such an amazing Birthday gift every year. I am excited and hopeful to experience God’s healing on my heart and in my body (which, being worn down has a nasty cough!) And R.E.L.A.X.A.T.I.O.N. ….amen?! peace to all.
[[edited to add, good thing I waited to post this.]] After our arrival to our final destination, I went to the beach just to clear my head right away and my honey went to get sandals which he ‘forgot’ and came back and totally shocked me with some gorgeous flowers. And trust me, it’s not just the flowers, this man really cares about my heart and I am so grateful we are walking this journey together!
Don’t they just add the most beautiful smile to the room?! <3
by Julia | Oct 21, 2016 | Photography
I got to hang out with these handsome lil guys awhile back to document their Birthdays. Almost they share a BirthDAY but are 3 years apart. They are so sweet & fun! I was just a lil nervous because we had shade, then bright sun n heat and a 1 year old who wasn’t too impressed with sitting outside in it. But at least he didn’t cry and one can easily see how adorable he is, even without a smile!! 🙂 During the first part we had a lil fun with being a cowboy, for which Cashton is perfect. Celebrating being 1 for Greyson, and then dress-up. These boys always look classy thanks to their mama’s good taste! 🙂 
Disclaimer: if these photos are viewed on a PC, I’m sorry they look so grainy. I’m trying out new settings for web exporting and so far I’m not convinced I like it. Please help a girl out if you have a way to get them to look clear and sharp on FB and blog. Seems like people just care what it looks like on their phone these days.. Anhoo, have a lovely day.
by Julia | Oct 11, 2016 | Foster Care, Our Captured Life
Hello to October and Autumn, it is so nice to see you!! For the first time in my life I am absolutely so happy to see Fall and say good-bye to summer & heat. I think perhaps it is because of hardly doing any swimming this year. But the cool days and changing leaves have me in so many smiles today and I am just delighted at pulling out a jacket! The smell of cool, air-blown laundry in from the line, and burning cinnamon-apple candles, ahh! I saw the neighbors put up Christmas lights and that got me excited, only to be shot down by my hubby saying that we don’t need to rush it! 🙂
July 5 we did say good-bye to #MrSunbeam after having him in our home for a day short of 7 weeks. It seems like it was a short time, but he was the happiest lil fella and we had quickly fallen in love and gotten attached to him, our first lil boy! He went to a wonderful home and they reported he is walking and doing well, so it was definitely a success story with a few tears.
We decided to quickly go to Nashville that very weekend to belatedly celebrate our Anniversary, and we had an amaaazing fun time. I want to update with a few pictures yet! Don’t you know, we hadn’t even been on the road for 3 hours when we got a call for twin 4 month old little girls. We definitely wanted them, but also knew we were on this trip and were supposed to be. So we said if they can wait till Monday, that would be great, if not, we understand. And it turns out because of the uniqueness of the situation they could wait till Monday. I was sooo tickled!! And of course had to go buy them a few cute outfits 🙂 Well. on Monday, somehow we got twin BOYS instead. Kinda a shocker, but we were still delighted. They don’t look anything alike, but of course we think they are sweet, adorable and just perfect! They don’t expect it to be long-term, but time will tell! So, by now you can probably understand why this update is just a tad behind.. They have stretched my mothering capabilities beyond what I thought I could handle and left me groping at times, truly not knowing what to try next!! As soon as we’d have them on a feeding schedule for a few weeks, they’d have a growth spurt, or wanted to sleep less and we had to figure it out all over again! Sometimes they’d wana be rocked and sometimes just lay in bed. Currently however, they are 7 1/2 months old and are eating baby food, cereal in their bottles, are on a very reliable schedule and sleeping well. Most times they like to be rocked to sleep and just since they’ve been sick they like if I rock both of them at the same time, thankfully we have a rocking loveseat which makes it very possible. I’d say we’ve grown; from getting up 13 times that first night and having multiple night time feedings, to now sleeping all through the night is quite an accomplishment! They usually go to bed around 7 and wake @6 – 6:30 am, taking 2 naps a day. Also am quite proud of their accomplishments. From just laying on their backs when they came to now crawling and Buddy is pulling himself and walking along furniture. He also just cut his first 2 teeth this month. We nicknamed them Buddy & Bubba, it just kinda fits them! 
Otherwise around here we finished up the garden and cleaned it all away. I completed and passed my high school education test, which is same as a GED in most states. Growing up we were only allowed to go through 8th grade and I’ve always loved school and wanted to complete it just for my satisfaction. My computer was restored, for $0!! My niece was here for 2 weeks and we accomplished A LOT on my to-do list, which is making for a MUCH more relaxing time caring for the twins, editing pictures and catching up on personal things. And helps me be ok when all I get done during a week are the basics. We also had a family reunion in Linn, Mo with my family. We just took what we got with family pictures!
My sister and family from PA were here for a week, and we had a delightful time, but definitely different with 6 kids in the mix! They had so much fun.. 
Hubby is in full harvest swing.. Even though the days get long, I am so happy they are having beautiful weather and not much rain delays and hoping it will continue so they can be done before November. There was 1 week when he didn’t get to see the twins from Sunday till Friday, but then there were 2 days that I got to ride with a lil, thanks to my sis for babysitting. I think not being able to go with him makes the days seem alot longer. But I will enjoy them, because before we know it, time change will be here and the days will be so short! Peace to all & here’s a challenge for you:
“Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person’s seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next.”
E. Elliot
by Julia | Jul 2, 2016 | Our Captured Life, Recipes
Whooa…It’s July! I’m actually kind of excited that this year is seemingly flying by, no specific reason, just a feeling. 🙂 I’ve got a super yummy Blueberry bar recipe for you that you are definitely gonna want to try! But first, just a lil update..
June was a full month and yet we had time for lots of sweet moments.. The main reason for being quiet over here is not for lack of good, good things that God is doing. But because that my computer issues have still not resolved. I have an appointment on July 11 to see if they can restore my data before putting in a new operating system. I do have my old one that I can thankfully run my business with, but only do the basics cuz it’s soo slow. Decided to brave it today and was reminded why I haven’t before, took a loong time to just open Lightroom, much less make minimal edits to my photos. We’ve been busy with all the usual first-month things, mtgs, appts, visits that come with a new foster placement & thoroughly enjoying having #MrSunbeam with us. He is definitely living up to his nickname. (sidenote, he will possibly be leaving to go with relatives next week..) Also had court for one of our others that was on trial placement and things are going well there so we said a more definitive goodbye. :'( –no words…we have our sad days but the peace of Jesus is so sweet in these times!! Otherwise on the agenda we attended a wedding, an adoption conference and participated in a 5k for our local pregnancy center and took our 2nd year CPR training. Oh and SUMMER HIT with full force time-to-hit-the-pool-temperatures!
Ok, so we also went blueberry picking at our local patch and yumm! Soo so much better than ANY store-bought ones! I had really wanted to make a pie this wknd, but completely forgot till too late in the day, but I wanted to whip up something yummy with these blueberries for the wknd. So I decided to use my old n faithful, well-loved recipe. They are a family favorite for years and always a hit wherever I take them. And super easy! Because I strategically use a 1/2 cup for everything I only dirtied 5 dishes; Bowl, spoon, spatula, 1/2 cup, & Tablespoon ring. No mixer needed. Definitely give them a try!
Blueberry Butterscotch Squares
- 1 1/2 sticks butter (softened)
- 1 cup white sugar
- 2 eggs
- 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 1/2 cups blueberries (fresh or frozen*)
TOPPING:
- 1 cup butterscotch chips
- 1/4 cup chopped pecans
- 2 Tablespoons brown sugar
INSTRUCTIONS: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9×13 pan. Cream together the sugar and butter and mix in eggs. Add flour, salt n soda and mix completely. Fold in the blueberries. (*if frozen, work very quickly as dough will get thick & cold really quickly, which is ok. Just add a lil baking time.) Spread in pan and flatten out. Sprinkle with chips, pecans and brown sugar. Bake for 30 minutes or until top is lightly brown.
Here are a couple pictures I quickly took to entice you 🙂
ready for the oven
doesn’t have to be perfectly in every corner
perfect! lightly browned..
yumm. All mine! 🙂
Enjoy and have a wonderful July 4th weekend!
