by Julia | Apr 15, 2018 | Foster Care, Our Captured Life
It’s been a month now, settling back into a family of four. It has definitely not all been roses, but it’s been good. Still in the midst of winter rains meant my husband was home a lot and that in itself was sheer awesomeness. We relaxed and spent lots of time playing & bonding. The boys seem to do better these days if we get out and spend time away from the house. I understand that, sometimes there are little reminders around our everyday that just trigger sadness & memories.
My 16 yr old niece, that has siblings through adoption, was here for a few days and she shared with me an excerpt of her diary after one of our goodbyes that just made me weep. It was the sweetest thing. I tend to remember the positive and happy times from all our sweet children and use memories as a reminder to pray for them. I don’t cry over it too much but sometimes a good cry is so healing. The loss and grief are real, and something I am not scared of embracing. And the feelings her writing brought up made me cry because it is so true, we will never ‘be over it’. It’s part of who we are and always part of our story.
Written by my niece & shared with her permission: “They love her, adore her and I honestly don’t think they’ll ever get over her. I don’t think they’re over #mylilgirlie, #my2ndlilgirlie, or #MrSunbeam -and I don’t think they’ll ever be. They give themselves wholeheartedly, no matter how often they get burned. Every time a child leaves, part of their heart goes with them. And you know what? Every time they give themselves like that….God gives them more. They can’t always know it just then – but I can see the love overflowing that God keeps giving them. Do you think that if they give all of themselves to children-that is, if so many come and go that all of ‘their’ heart is gone, divided among their children…that by that time ‘their’ hearts will be ‘God’s’ heart – full of love and overflowing to all they meet? I do. Because I see it happening already.”
I always under-estimate what I think we are contributing to these lil ones. It feels like so little, or almost damaging when we have to let them go again when all they want is to stay here with us. And yea, we do kinda throw ourselves head over heels into every kiddoe and makes it so hard to say goodbye. But I keep telling myself that a healthy attachment is something that will affect them the rest of their lives, according to statistics anyways.. It was also touching to me that our life is speaking not only to the kids but to those around us, and that God is seen. Every moment counts and affects those around us. My nieces seem to love me and I sure hope that ultimately Jesus is the reason. If our lives are an inspiration for them to chase after the ‘more than normal lifestyle’ I couldn’t be happier!
So anyways, we cry hard. We laugh hard. And we live our best life, everyday. I am trying out a new method of parenting, balancing work and play, the next few months and I’ll let you know how it works. But I’m pretty excited, because these boys seem to constantly need me by their side and I find it so hard to find a balance. I need them to learn to play alone, and yet I also want to spend tons of time with them. They haven’t been exposed much socially in the past year, besides family and church, because who can handle 4 kids under 3 in public with 2 hands? I’m hoping to change that this summer and we took our first outing alone this past week. We tried out shopping, Dollar General seemed like a good place to start. Let’s just say I ended up with tags to give the cashier, bubbles blown inside the store, m&ms scattered on the floor, batteries & gift cards grabbed & thrown before we got past them, less chocolate purchased than what I had initially put in the cart… am I weird to say I laughed & enjoyed it? They really did listen well and weren’t terrors, they are just so fast and strong and smart that I can’t keep up! I am debating about buying leashes because parking lots are intimidating…. We stopped at a new-for-them park close to our house on the way home & they loved it! I could sit and watch them all day. It was definitely worth it, getting back in the car after one stop Buddy says, “So much fun!” 🙂 They jabber all the time and are creating new sentences and conversation everyday. Sometimes I just want them to be quiet, but mostly they crack me up and make me laugh so much everyday. Ugh, I’m so incredibly in love with these boys.. So so proud of them!
You know that’s something I’ve been thinking about lately. We all have our days when we are so exhausted and spent with trying to figure out this ‘mom thing’. And I do not have it all figured out. But I am realizing how important it is that they know they are valued and chosen. Loved & Celebrated. People say, oh your kids won’t remember all the times you messed up. But what are they going to remember? Are you filling their love tanks? Celebrating lil moments and making sure they have good things that will always be there without a shadow of a doubt? Inevitably, hard things will come and we will mess up, but if we aren’t intentional to see what we do have, we will wish for it when it’s gone. Or at the least we will wish we would have found joy in the moments. Give your kiddoes the gift of knowing that their momma adored them and was always so proud of them, not based on their behavior! Everyday is a gift and it matters. Molding today will affect how they view life tomorrow. So, so many people tell us that we have no idea how much this lil time with these kiddoes in foster care will affect their lives. I challenge you that the time you have with your littles today is going to affect their future as well. It’s not just for foster children.
Love is not just providing their needs, cheering them on when they are successful, or performing for them. Love is speaking words of value into them, spending time holding them, playing with them or doing whatever their favorite activity is-together. Time where we pay attention to them and not just what they are doing. Love freely, hug often, play fiercely, kiss frequently & build a bond that will last.
I forgot to share some of their 2-year-old photos… They had a fun time playing football with Daddy & tackling each other while I snapped away. Oh, and voluntarily picking flowers for me. Totally melted. I wish you could see their dimples, the life in their eyes and their faces full of happiness.. They are the best! Also, some big things are coming up in the next month that will possibly guide us into more insight for their future… Please join us in praying for these lil sweethearts.
 
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
Linking up with Grace & Truth, #destinationInspiration, #DreamTogether, #TellHisStory
by Julia | Mar 19, 2018 | Foster Care
Ugh, my stomach literally feels upset. Nerves. Today I am packing up my lil big girl and sending her to her ‘new home’. (as we so lovingly call it) Another transition for her. Number seven in just the last two years of her four year old life. Actually, that’s just from the past two years that I have known her, it’s hard to say where all she lived before then.
So she well knows and understands what is coming. It has been a week of trauma unlike I have ever experienced. Tears over basically nothing, whining, upset stomach, questions, resentment, lying, dejectedness, lack of appetite and did I say tears?.. SO grateful for the authority and power we have over these things in Jesus Name. Whew though, sometimes you just want it all to STOP instead of taking the time to stop and guide her through it. I’m the first to admit it wasn’t a pretty week, but God was so good through us in the midst of it all.
The other night after bedtime prayers, as I was tucking the blanket around her; I leaned down close to her face and whispered, “Miss ____, I am so sorry for all that you are feeling right now….. Immediately tears welled up in her little eyes. She knew what I meant without me saying more. We’ve talked about what emotions we feel when we go through certain things. Why she is struggling with everything this week. She asks again, “Does Jesus have power?” “Yep, all you need to do is say Jesus, He is always right there with you and stronger than anything else.” [..just a tiny excerpt of our conversation that followed..]
So yeah, #Glitterbug left again a few days ago. I am truly excited to see her go and begin life with her new forever family and biological Dad. It will be a big transition, but a good one. She hasn’t lived with black culture before and like we learned in training; we can love them and care for them as much as possible, we can never be blood-family-connected or give that to them. [Please don’t misunderstand, I am not against adoption, but that blood connection is something we cannot fill and it’s a huge gift to have family be reconnected. The sole purpose of foster-care by the way.] It is a tremendous gift she will appreciate as she grows older, to be exposed to and get to understand and appreciate that side of her culture. A big loss is to be separated from her brothers she grew up with in the past year, but she is gaining older siblings.
It tore me up today, we did pretty well going through her stuff, packing what she wanted to take along and discussing what’s happening. I leave the room and then hear sobs, almost screaming. “But I just want to go for a visit and come back to you.” So we just hug and cry together. And pray. Again. I keep asking God to redeem this pain in her life and let her be dynamite for Him. To destroy those voices and rejection. To cover her. I know without a doubt, that even though I feel helpless to help her. I have a purpose in her life. Prayer.
Shout out to my in-laws for loving her (and us) so well.. It has been a big adjustment into this foster care life for them. But I cherish these supportive moments. A thoughtful farewell dinner and little party. Sweet touches all around. Flowers specially delivered along with gummy bears the night before. Goodbye hugs without too much emphasis on the why. Last minute play-dates. A book dropped off just in time so she can take her favorite story along. [And if you want a really good book for an interrogative kid, about God in daily life, pick up this book!]
May you always leave a little sparkle wherever you go.Â
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
Linking up with #TellHisStory
by Julia | Mar 8, 2018 | Foster Care
First of all, I forgot to mention we had a lot of snow for about a week in January. Both the amount and the length of time are rare for TN, so we were thrilled!
And because I had birds again this winter!! I just love watching my birds and quite delighted with all the red cardinals. It was not rare to count 20 plus at one time 🙂 Such a beautiful sight, morning sunlight glistening off the snow with dots of red outside, and yes Christmas clings on the window. 
OK, I’m done with the weather.
We got lil miss Glitterbug back soon after the holidays and just before her 4th Birthday. Last year she came to live with us just days after her 3rd Birthday, so I wanted to do all I could to make it special for her. Turns out she was still going thru too many transitional fears and only wanted her party at our house, with no additional guests or gifts. What we have for her is enough she declared. But after excited party talk & explaining the layout of the party to her every day, she finally consented that I could invite a select few of my nieces and in-laws, our family around here. Also she kept lamenting every few days how she never got to see Santa Claus. So I knew I wanted to try to somehow combine a lil Christmas into her party to help her feel celebrated in both, thus the lights.
We kinda have this tradition of waking up to balloons and fun; then calmly celebrating their birthdays at home that night with candles & cupcakes. We have a party with family & friends later. It helps the celebration to go on a lil longer and hopefully avoid an overload of emotions. Having been warned of ‘birthday triggers’ I’m always hoping I’m taking the best precautions in keeping it fun for the kiddoes.
Here’s the thing about trauma.. you can never fully prepare because sometimes a child feels things they never felt before & doesn’t even know what is going on or why they’re upset, but suddenly all their safety flags are up and on high alert. No one is prepared. All we know is that we wanted to sing Happy Birthday. Sometimes what you think you see in behavior, is completely opposite from what is going on inside. Sometimes too much attention is terrifying and not enough is scary. For a child that craves and begs for attention, but then melts down at times when given too much attention – it’s purely exhausting. I’ve learned alot but I’m still learning so much that I hesitate to put too many words out there just yet. But yeah it was a little hard to know how to handle all the emotions that came with it but we decided to err on the side of caution and compassion & understanding. I wish it were that easy everyday…… Like I said, it is exhausting. (or maybe I’m just a lil over-tired right now 😛 ) 
I did have fun with her cake! I couldn’t really find what I was going for so I concocted my own design. She wanted a pink cake, with pink frosting in a heart shape. I only had this pan in a heart shape, that I had picked up at Aldi one day. It leaked out a lil, but worked just fine. I made her my favorite yummy Strawberry Cake. (if you want the recipe, I’ll gladly share) She was so excited because she got to help me make it and lick all the spoons. But then I surprised her with the decorations which she totally loved! I did have her name on the cake but edited it out for privacy. Â 
We got her a VTech Write and Learn Creative Center for her birthday and a sticker book. Both were great choices and have provided much entertainment for her and her 2 year old brothers. Â Although I cannot say enough good about the sticker books, I think we both equally love them. She does super well in matching the pictures and words. I was a lil frustrated at first because how is a 4 year old supposed to be able to find the correct stickers for the correct page? But they are all well organized and numbered, I get all the stickers on the couch or table beside her and she can do a 2 page spread alone. Â 
We spent many hours getting her hair combed out those first few weeks, because they came back in a matted mess. Yes it almost made me cry, her hair is so beautiful! But thankfully, after much diligent searching I found an amazing salon for black kiddoes. She was very helpful and gave me a comb that worked, plus shared lots of other great tips and resources. Seriously, the comb was amazing and I have searched everywhere online and cannot find one like it. But yeah, Crisco and olive oil are actually quite helpful in the hair department. So, after all that pain I allowed her to fulfill a dream; having beads in her hair. 3 hours was a long time, but the smiles and sheer delight in her eyes made it all worth it! She couldn’t stop twirling and saying how much she loved her beads. 
And it’s good-bye to the birthday & balloons…Â 
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
by Julia | Feb 22, 2018 | Foster Care, Our Captured Life
A New Year always brings hope. Even though we all know we can start new habits, make new plans any day of the year, there is something about January 1 that does it to all of us. Or at least those of us that like to categorize/ organize, there is just something about pulling out that new planner. Which reminds me, I am super excited to try my first Emily Ley planner this year! I’ve been a follower/fan girl for years now. 🙂
2018 just looked like an open year to us…finally. We decided to totally give ourselves space & grace, and focus on security n attachment bonding with our twin boys. I had a some mixed feelings, or like maybe I should feel guilty, but I was mostly relieved and happy knowing we were not taking any new placements for a long time, probably the whole year. We had some other big decisions to make and things to accomplish and I was getting so excited to just.slow.down.
My first goal was to utilize and practice the word “simplify”. One of those ways is getting rid of things that hold sentimental value but just clutter up my house. Another was to shush up some online voices for a lil while and listen more intently to God and my family. Focus on face to face relations first. There are a few things pretty heavy on my heart that I believe God wants me to see through His eyes and hear His heart. And I want to learn how to prioritize my time. Insert here, most of my updates will be through my blog, so if you don’t want to miss a post, please subscribe via email on the top right corner here. I’m sure my Instagram followers have noticed I have not been very active, sorry guys! I’m setting some goals and new habits, I’ll be back! We are so blessed by you, our family and friends close and via social media, that follow and share in our journey. My husband and I don’t want to leave you hanging, we covet your prayers and want to keep you updated. But we also realize that our priority is to be present in our family life first. Blogging is something I love doing and is one of the priorities I want to focus on this year. Dan is always encouraging me to write and so I want to give it a go this year n see if I can hit publish on all my draft posts.. (He always reads my posts and adds or takes away for me 😉 )
My hubby n I have a notebook with goals made for the past few years (not planning on sharing those). But if you want an idea where to get started, please watch Dave Ramsey’s video. He gives 7 steps that make it super easy to start and it really helps! Our goals are very similar to last year. Reading books & saving money seem to be the ones we reach the best. 🙂 I’ve been doing a Word of the Year for a number of years now.. I have been praying about my word for this year and Hope it is! My definition: “A confident expectation that a desire will be fulfilled.” I wasn’t sure what all it entailed when I recently began hoping in who God says that He is..but the more I proclaimed it and studied it, I began to realize there is a huge difference in the world’s view of hope and Biblical hope. The world’s view when using hope is often ‘pretty sure’ or ‘wanting something to be true’. Biblical hope is ‘100% sure’ because it comes from an infallible God. Our hope is in Him not in things or circumstances. Psalm 71:5 For thou art my hope, O Lord God: thou art my trust from my youth. I want to keep studying it and truly live my life like that. Everytime I delve into studying it and every day that my faith is shaken, I learn something about this. So I’m really excited to see what all I will learn about it this year.Â
“For not to hope is to allow something inside of us to die.”Â
Not gonna lie, January has already really shaken it and I kept hearing this whisper, if all else is taken away, “Am I enough?” It has been rough, but I want to not have to hesitate when I answer that question, that I know without a shadow that IN Him I have all I need. These valleys and painful times seem too much at times but I am so grateful for the growth and intimacy that comes when it is placed in God’s Hands. I don’t tend to thank God for a trial or something that is clearly not from Him, but I am thankful that He allows it & redeems what the enemy meant for evil!
So, back to the daily grind, January 4th we were made aware of an emergency situation with our 3 year old (her nicknames were Divagirl n Glitterbug) that left in November. Due to health issues with her Grandma, they asked us if we would take her back into our home. It feels so broken, but we knew that although it wasn’t the perfect plan, and not the outcome we had wanted for her. It was something where God wanted us to be part of His redemptive work and we welcomed her back into our home on January 9th. It has definitely been a rough couple weeks, we tried to cocoon her just a lil bit to help her unravel the confusion and establish trust again. She is having visits with her newly-established father and so we will help her through the coming transitions. It’s been emotionally hard for me because she’s so grateful to be home with her “Mom” again & I have no idea how I will be able to make her leave again. I have to really work on the truth n not let the ‘I’m abandoning her’ words over-power me.
January we also got hit with the flu, of course! Wiped me out for awhile and left me with no desire to accomplish anything. But, no matter what comes, we will continue to look ahead with excitement and hope for this New Year!
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
by Julia | Jan 19, 2018 | Foster Care, Our Captured Life
It’s been a lil too long, my fingers and brain have been itching to write but my heart doesn’t always know where to start. So, we’ll just start.
2017 is over and gone, just memories remain. I’m pretty much okay with putting that year behind me and looking forward to what is ahead. We started out the year as just the 2 of us, not really expecting it to change or adding any foster children anytime too soon, to give us time to heal and process from our twins leaving in December. Â But by the end of January we had the twins back, 11months old, Â and had said Yes to their 2 sisters, coming in the month of February. A 3 year old, and baby from the hospital.
We also started an organization called Blessing Basket, a clothing/items closet for families associated with foster care. We accept & give everything for free, basically just a bridge for the community to help out. Needless to say, with 4 toddlers I was a little overwhelmed and sold my fudge inventory, said goodbye to the business part of my life and tried to learn how to embrace this busy mom life.
We fought through lots of sicknesses and visited way too many Dr’s for our baby girl, but she came out ahead and strong by the end of the year! I learned pretty quickly I needed my people and family for support and accepting it was the key to making it through. I accepted help from my nieces for wks and food from friends all the time, breaks were granted to me by my husband and so much more.. I hired babysitters and cleaning ladies as needed. Even with that there were times it felt we were just surviving instead of thriving.. We did quite a bit of ‘necessary’ travel, but not nearly the recreational travel we thought we might 😉
Seriously, I don’t really know where the year went, it seemingly evaporated. It was probably a year I will always look back at as a blur, but I am thankful for journals and photos that help me remember the little moments that truly made it into a fun and amazing year. Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t choose to go through it again, but I learned a lot and would say yes to those 4 babies all over again. However, I probably ate more words and ideals than I thought I would, its not all roses being a needed human 24/7!
I clearly remember when we started this journey of foster care, secretly thinking and hoping that we’d have so many kids hanging at my legs I wouldn’t know which way to turn and I wouldn’t have time for anything else. But then there were times this past year I wondered what kind of fantasy I was dreaming about. I love loved the experience and the kids, but it was exhausting. Not only being a mum but navigating thru the visits, co-parenting with the legal, bio and grandparents, searching everywhere for answers to trauma added to the whole picture. Even though I still sometimes say, imagine what we’d be doing tonight if ‘no kids’, there is no way I would trade it for being a mom!
Spiritually I spent a lot of the year fighting God and learning how to do things on my own, because without realizing, I quit ‘really’ trusting Him. Oh I said I trusted Him and I thought I did. But He became the God who does what He wants, brings all this pain and turmoil into my life and no matter what I ask, He does what He wants anyway.. Graciously He showed me all of that and who He really is towards me. Lets just thats another post for another day, that changed my life. I think that’s why I am so grateful for all of last year and it bringing me to the end of myself so many times, and allowing me to truly find my Father’s heart. My word for 2017 was love, and it was definitely taken to a whole new level in a way I had no idea it could be..
So, anyways, as 2017 drew to a close, we said good-bye to our 3 year old, #divagirl moved in with her Grandma in November. In December #miraclebaby, now 10 1/2 months old went to live with another Grandma. If you follow me on social media, you know that it’s been pretty hard on all of us. We still get to have sibling visitation once a month, so that has helped. Christmas was quietly spent in TN with family and at home with our two lil remaining boys. We closed out the year by being taken out with a stomach virus, then the kids got strep. I think the word best used to describe 2017 would be ‘full’.
Whoops, I started out wanting to write about the New Year, but see what happened? When I start writing it just kind of spills out. I don’t really want to make this post super long, so I’ll divide it up and share a little how I feel about 2018 next time..
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog [top right corner] or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
by Julia | Nov 11, 2017 | Foster Care
I was outside watching the kids play & the baby right inside the door watching me, because it was just a tad too cold outside for her. Buddy was pushing around his dump truck like he does everytime they go outside, filling it with rocks and dumping them out immediately, in his own little world. Big sissy was trying to coax Bubba into running out to the trees with her to no avail, he’d rather stay close to momma. With my suggestion of playing Hide & seek he took off running with her right beside him, hand on his back. Buddy’s attention was interrupted and he goes running after them, not wanting to miss out on the fun.
Then it hit me. These days of them being siblings that are living together are coming to a close. In fact, with this weather it may be one of the last days I witness this bonded outdoor innocence. Big sissy will be moving to her respective Gma in less than 2 wks.
And I start reliving the reality of a phone call just a few hours previous. “Everything has been approved for lil MiracleBaby to be moved to her Gma, so we want to start overnight visits this wknd while we wait on the paperwork. If all goes according to plan, we should be able to move her mid December.” I really thought I was handling it quite well, asking all the necessary questions until my FSW asked, “Are you gonna be okay?” I don’t even remember what I answered because her next words, “yea, I can hear it in your voice” did me in.
Y’all I knew this was coming for months already, but the reality never hits till it’s right here. Partially because the system is famous for delays so it’s just not a good idea to plan that a “plan” is happening until it happens. Also, because I just need to be in the moment. I can’t prepare for what it’s gona look or feel like, but trust that Jesus is going to hold me each step of the way. I can’t plan for the grief, but embrace it as it comes.
As I sat there on the porch breathing it all in, the love, the joy, the grief. I took comfort knowing that my Father is weeping with me. His plan was for the family unit to be complete. And yet it’s wrecked so we as mortals try to patch it up, family with family, or family becoming family. It’s not perfect but it’s redemption. It can become beautiful. But here in the messy, how can I feel you here with me Jesus?
I remember exactly a year ago we were preparing for our twin boys to be leaving in December. Now they’re back, with no plans in place of them leaving, which we are more than ok with! And yet we hold it with open hands because it only takes 1 phone call to change it all.
I begin picking up their toys and look up to see this one perfect, very sweet smelling rose blooming in my rose garden. I was completely shocked because I thought those roses were long done for the season. Be that as it may, I immediately heard a soft whisper, “It’s for you, see, I’m right here. Find the beauty among the thorns.” And as I’ve pondered that, gazed at & smelled the rose, I know He just wants me to know that I don’t have to love or appreciate or be happy with the thorns. But to search for His beauty & find joy in that (Him).Â
We had our last Sunday outing as a family of 6 and didn’t even know it. Thur night was our last night with just us, so we tore it up, laughter, plenty of rides and a few pictures. We still have a few more days and we will still see each other, but it’s gonna be different. As much as I’m stressed from this crazy busy few months that turned into a year. My heart still breaks because pieces of it are leaving. I don’t know how it’s gonna be, but I know it’s ok to not always be ok. And in case you wonder what I meant about it being our last night alone, my 17 yr old niece has been wanting to come so she’s here for the week and I’m definitely NOT complaining about that! 🙂
This is foster care.
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog [top right corner] or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
