disclaimer: written in 2018 when I found out all this good news. AND be prepared for a series of belated updates I want to actually post on here for my own ‘recording it’ benefit.
I cannot believe I’m actually writing this post. Is it really true? I’ve dreamed of the day and dreamed of how I would share the news….but now that my dream is a reality, I’m speechless! I feel like I’m in a daze and wonder when I will wake up. I am truly pregnant.
When did you find out? The morning of June 5th, 2018 I decided to take a pregnancy test because I was a few days late and even though I was pretty sure it probably was gonna be a negative, I knew we had a big week ahead and I just wanted to know! I laid it up on the counter like I usually do and about 10 minutes late I checked on it. I saw 2 lines for the first time EVER and I literally got so faint I had to sit back down on the toilet. I could feel all the color had drained from my face and I was shaking and in complete utter disbelief! I took another brand test I had and it also showed positive..all I could say n think was, is this for real? And breathing Thank-you Jesus!! I took a selfie in case I wanted to text my husband but I looked completely terrified! Plus I knew I wanted to see my husband’s face and he wouldn’t believe me without seeing a pregnancy test, so I waited until he came home. Which, he came home in the forenoon because we had court for our twin boys that day. I managed to hide my phone and start video so that I could capture his response and I pulled out the positive test and showed it to him and he just stood there, stunned. After a bit he goes, Are you serious? I don’t think I ever saw him so shocked in his life. He had no clue I was gonna take a test. And I will spare you the rest of the details, but it took months for it to really soak in!! And yes, I took a few more tests and went to the Dr. to confirm it before I actually allowed myself to believe that there was truly a baby forming inside.
Now let me finish the rest of the story, we quick got ready and headed to court for our twin boys. We knew there was a chance that a decision would be made about us being able to adopt them, but there had been many ‘chances’ before. BUT guess what?! That very same day we found out we will be able to adopt them, not just a maybe, their Mom signed the papers!! Surrendering her rights. She wanted to make sure we will adopt them and OF COURSE there was no question about that. God answered so many prayers…
That day was completely insane (shocking). People were so happy and excited for us about the adoption and of course we were too. But inside we were just bursting with, “YOU ONLY THE HALF. God has completely blown us away!!!” Later I found out my best friend was pregnant as well (5 wks apart) and we’d dreamed of being pregnant together. I was 30, and crossing over that threshold was a huge deal to my heart about becoming/not becoming pregnant. There were more details I had prayed for that came to fruition and I kept saying, Ok God, my cup is not just full now, IT’S OVERFLOWING! Like can there be any bigger harvest than this?! We had been praying for a forever family and a forever home to call our own for years.. and now suddenly in the year 2018 we got not 1 but 3 forever children and we also bought our dream place. (story to come soon).
So the first few pictures was how we announced it to family and then we had fun photoshoot with Mary Kate Paschall Photography. And she gave me the copyright to print, so that is why you will see it on the pictures, but she gets all the credit! I couldn’t just pick a few, so… photo overload!
Words really seem inadequate to describe how we feel with all of this. Very overwhelmed, humbled, grateful and in utter awe. I actually struggled a bit being so happy and saying ‘God is good’. Because He is GOOD no matter what our circumstances are and that is something I would say again and again in the midst of our trials.. But NOW I was actually, literally, seeing and tasting another layer of that GOOD! He delights in making His children happy and this is definitely one of those times and I’m going to do all I can to make Him look as good as He is, and overflowing with JOY right now is totally appropriate! 🙂
It all seemed to be happening kind of fast. I know it was God opening doors and not just incidental happenings! In short, January 13th is when I started chatting with my miracle friend. By January 31, I mailed in my 37 page case & they called and accepted it on February 27th. Had my ultrasound on March 2nd and surgery on March 26th!! It seemed like a super fast turn-around to me! Although I had been told it would be a longer wait, so I’m sure it varies..
Like I had mentioned, even though we had wanted to do the surgery, we had not felt at peace doing it with my regular OB/GYN, and didn’t know until later why that was. So when my friend told me about her experiences, she was referring to her surgery with Dr. Sinervo in Atlanta, GA. I also checked with my Creighton Model teacher who gave me a few names of NaPro surgeons that I would have trusted as well. But something about Dr Sinervo seemed right, I emailed them and they were super quick and very personable in responding, answering every little question I had. I knew it would mean we would have to travel to have my surgery, but it was well worth it to us, for me to have someone that was a super-skilled LAPEX surgeon and also very respectful of my requests. Plus also a Christian!
So after the emails and we decided to go ahead with it, I asked them for the paperwork for the Free Review Process. Which meant they could get all the info they needed without me making a trip to Atlanta. Now remember, endometriosis is not diagnosed without a surgery. So there were lots and lots and lots of questions, if I remember right I filled out about 37 pages of information. It felt overwhelming, but once I sat down to do it, it really wasn’t that bad. They suggest including a picture of you and your family to help them make it more personal, you are not just another number to The Center for Endometriosis Care! So the Dr. looks over your case and determines whether or not he thinks you have the disease and are a good candidate for surgery and he personally called me to tell me that they can help me. He explained exactly what all they would do during my surgery and made sure I understood everything. A few days later a lady followed up with scheduling the surgery. Once again, if I had any questions, they were super helpful in answering everything! They also wanted me to have an ultrasound just to check for any endometrioma, which I had done locally.
We decided to make the 5 hour road-trip and had thought we might stay at an Airbnb and take the kids along, as we needed to be in Atlanta for right around a week. But we ran into some snags and decided to get respite instead, but had no idea who?!.. Our lil miss Glitterbug ended up leaving like the week before surgery, so we just had the boys. Once again God opened some doors super fast! The day they called to schedule it, I suddenly remembered a sweet couple we met 2 years ago at a Foster Parent Awareness Sunday Service. I scrambled around to get her info and in a matter of hours, she confirmed they had no placements and would love to care for our boys! I knew it would be a great place for them and I would be able to recover so much faster. We ended up getting this cute condo for 6 nights at less than half price through Priceline. Definitely glad it was on ground floor and only a few feet from the outdoors and our vehicle.
A few years ago I had an ACL repair surgery on my knee and the whole thing was a way bigger ordeal than I thought it was going to be. So this time I decided to plan for the worst and hope that it won’t be as bad as I planned. I read every article I could get my hands on from their website, The Center for Endometriosis Care, they have an awesome informative website. I also needed to do the bowel prep, and from another cleanse I had done, I knew it would not be pleasant, so again I researched and prepared like crazy! I tried to eat mostly greens the week before surgery, especially the last few days, and drink lots. I read every suggestion and tip from this list and went shopping for everything that I thought I might need. The day of my bowel prep I drank lots of water, tea, and 64 oz of white grape juice before I ever had to start with the pills and powder, and it greatly lessened the pain as the time in the bathroom was spread out quite a bit more. Also I was so glad I got 2 different flavors of Gatorade, it really helped getting the whole 64 oz of MiraLax liquid down. Because I knew we were not going to be at home during recovery I wanted to make sure we would be able to relax and have everything I needed. The things I was most grateful for were the Fiber gummies, which I started taking the week before, and the Neosporin, tea and white grape juice. My friend suggested drinking lots of tea as soon as I can start drinking liquids after surgery. I had 3 different kinds n switched off, drinking pretty much round the clock and I had very LITTLE trouble with gas pains afterwards, which seemed to be the number one complaint from others. In case you are interested, I got the Peppermint, Smooth Move w/ Peppermint and Ginger Tea Bags. I often added honey or lemon to them. The belly band and taking walks everyday were also my best friends and provided relief, plus the walks helped a lot in not getting constipated.
I was also pretty careful to follow the diet the week after surgery. Panera Bread came to the rescue with smoothies and soups. Jello, yogurt, cottage cheese, some fruit and then mashed potatoes were a few of my favorites.
So without going into much detail about the actual surgery and the amazing Northside Hospital, I just want to quickly share what they actually found! Of course I was slightly worried with the thought of “what if they don’t even find any endometriosis”?! And I think that was my first question once I finally got to see my husband. They did a number of things, all of which I fully understood and had to repeat to every person (almost!) that I met before surgery. Yes, they did find endometriosis, stage II. All of it, along with some benign fibroids/fibrous tissue, & pelvic adhesions were successfully removed. My appendix also had some reactive changes in it, possibly from endo, and was removed as well. I thought it was interesting that the biggest endo spot was the exact place where I had the most distinct pain. Also had some removed from my bladder, everything was in very ordinary places and they didn’t have any complications. He also found I had a mild Arcuate uterus, which he cut and made normal. So basically everything they checked out was good, removed or repaired.
finally awake & in my room
I was very, very impressed with Dr. Sinervo. We actually had our phone consult with another Dr. at their clinic, but then the morning of the surgery we met with him and he explained everything again and answered any questions. He met us at the hospital before surgery and had prayer just before I got my happy ‘drink’ and everything felt really light. He said he would be the one in the operating room holding my hand as I went under anesthesia but I sure don’t remember any of it. He talked with Dan after my procedure and then personally came by once I awoke to explain how the surgery went. But even so, I was glad Dan recorded it because I couldn’t remember much!
Of course my primary question was, “Is this really going to help my pain?” I don’t remember his exact words, but basically if we could get it down to a 0 it would be a homerun, but if we can at least get it from a 10 down to a 3, it’s still a win. Which I wholeheartedly agreed. But he warned, and I found to be true for me, although every case is different, that I would very likely still have pretty bad pain for at least the next 3 cycles while everything heals and settles down. This quote from their site described it well: “New peritoneum must be generated to cover the raw area. The swelling must have time to subside. The patient’s nerve endings can’t tell the difference between endometriosis and the surgery to excise it: all they know is that something is causing them to fire, and the result can be pain.” He also said that even with my endometriosis, statistically we still had a good percent chance of getting pregnant, and surgery only increased our chances by about 20-25%. I think that was because of where my endo was located, not necessarily affecting my reproductive organs.
We got paperwork with all the details of the surgery, everything they did and removed, even a step by step report from the operating room. Just a lil whoozy, but interesting, reading how they propped me up, how they removed stuff and exactly how they cut etc..etc..
favorite leg massagers to prevent blood clots
I’m really not sure what all to say about the recovery, I was so glad we got to stay at the hospital overnight. It was pretty awful those first days and I stayed medicated as much as I could, & slept. The first time they tried to get me to walk, it was all I could do to make it to the bathroom, I got really nauseated from pain meds so they gave me something for nausea. A few hours later I could walk a tiny bit down the hallway. The main focus was to get up and walk frequently which was more difficult than I imagined but it definitely helped and got better by the day. We had to stay in the Atlanta area for 72 hours after being released and I was glad for every day before having to travel home. That first week recovery was pretty rough. By Friday I was feeling considerably better and we stopped almost every hour on the way home so it went really well.
I was able to have a follow-up at their center before heading home and then another one 2 wks later with my own Dr at home. Both of which I almost fainted.. I failed to drink enough water and I had low blood pressure. But it cleared up ok as soon as I had fresh air n water. At about 2 wks I went off the prescription pain meds as they just kept making me sick, & over the counter ones worked great. Up to that point I also got my hubby to wake me during the night with meds and crackers so I could wake up painlessly in the morning. My husband was with me the first 2 wks and my niece came to help out with the boys as I couldn’t lift them. I hardly did anything but spend time on the recliner and go on walks. It really went quite well & my brain was done with the recovery at about 3-4 weeks, but my body took more like 6 weeks. However I think my swelling/bloating took about 9 wks to fully disappear. It was definitely a surgery to recover from, but I just felt so grateful that we actually did it. All in all, it wasn’t as bad as I expected! My sweet friends brought in food and I focused on resting instead of working! I had 3 months of free return checkups at the center but thankfully didn’t need them as everything healed well. I had some random things come up, but whenever I checked with them, it was all okay and ‘normal’.
Dr. Sinervo himself!
I’m so so happy we were led to do the surgery, to come in contact and experience Dr. Sinervo. I am excited about more pain-free days to come!! Most of all, I am so grateful that God led us here and gave us a successful surgery. An amazing blessing!! A verse I carried with me and claimed to be true, NO MATTER the results of the surgery: “Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice!” Psalm 63:7. A success like this just makes me in awe again of God’s mighty works!
I can’t say it enuf, be your own advocate. trust your intuition. Google doesn’t even remotely tell you what you need to know, or even the truth. Your regular Dr. won’t know or be able to explain endo to you. Find people with experience, Dr.s that specialize in it. RESEARCH. For me I knew the Holy Spirit was guiding us and I am so thankful we listened and followed and not just pushed ahead with the first thing the first Dr said. The peace in moving ahead is so worth waiting for. Ask tons of questions, ask other people, do research. Don’t just assume the Dr. knows best. If it doesn’t feel right for you, then wait till it does. We knew without a doubt this was the right path for us.
Also if anyone has any questions, especially if you are considering the surgery or have experience with endometriosis, please reach out to me. I would be delighted to answer any questions or give more specifics! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
It all kind of began around the end of 2016 when I saw an OB/GYN to see why my menstrual cycles were so severe and painful.. We did some tests and everything seemed pretty normal. He concluded that I probably have endometriosis and gave us a few options. One of the options was to perform laparoscopy surgery to see what he would find and also remove it. We however, did not feel at peace with it, something just didn’t feel right and I’m so grateful. In hindsight I can totally see it was guidance from God. So we picked another option. One of our biggest drawbacks was the chance of the endometriosis coming back n having to perform surgeries multiple times. Altho our Dr. did not put much emphasis on that and acted very confident that the surgery would be a ‘cure’ and it was not a big deal.
I did some researching in the next year and we had better insight on how to handle the pain, but it kept getting worse. I started having some pain in-between cycles, and a lot of the symptoms of endometriosis were definitely present. Fatigue and nausea at random times made my hubby think I had a blood sugar issue. But painful periods were definitely the worst, during which even with 3 Ibuprofen every 4 hours I was not able to perform the normal household duties; without them I felt like I was delirious n literally could not think straight to breathe through the pain. Hot baths, or heating pads helped some to be able to uncurl.. I also had pelvic pain especially in my left side and some bowel issues.
Fast forward to January 2018 I coincidently & divinely came in contact with a lady that had multiple endo surgeries and she answered all my hundreds of questions and explained to me the difference between removing endometriosis with ablation vs excision. Immediately it made sense to me. Through many voxer messages she became a friend to me and shared her experiences, not because she got anything out of it but just because she cared. We were becoming desperate for relief from pain, pain that is NOT normal. I did lots and lots of researching and praying. Is it too good to be true? Is this really the right path for us? We felt an incredible peace and clarity from God to pursue the excision surgery. So basically I want to share some of the insight that I gained through the process if there is anyone out there that has as many questions as I did. (Details of my specific surgery to come in Part II.)
Endometriosis (endo) is a very mystifying disease and I still struggle trying to explain it. So I’ll try to share it in plain terms and you can read more about it here and many more details here. There are many myths and explanations all over the internet but no one truly knows what causes endo or what it is exactly.
The theory that my Dr. perceives to be most accurate, and what makes the most sense to me is this: Endometriosis is when tissue (similar to endometrial-tissue, which is the lining of the uterus) grows outside of the uterus. It can form into endometriomas, fibrosis, adhesions etc, basically anywhere in your body. They think perhaps it is genetic, because they have tested babies born with it. In fact, women that have a close relative with endometriosis are 5 to 7 more likely to also have it. Generally the pain and inflammation is not a nuisance until reproductive age, however some never have any symptoms. The most common symptoms are:
Crippling period pain in people who menstruate
Abdominal pelvic pain at any time, often intractable and chronic
Bowel or urinary disorders/pain/dysfunction
Painful intercourse/penetration/sexual activity
Infertility/pregnancy loss/possible link to preterm births
Immune-related and other comorbid disorders
chronic fatigue with menstrual abnormalities
Nausea and/or vomiting Not all persons with endometriosis will have all symptoms, and no two cases are identical.
Like I mentioned, it can be a bit of anywhere, but most commonly on or around the pelvic structures, bladder, bowels, intestines, ovaries and fallopian tubes. Very rare, but it has been found on the brain. The only way to be diagnosed is through surgery, typically a laparoscopy. Unlike what you may think it cannot be seen on ultrasounds. I did have an ultrasound to check for any endometriomas or “chocolate cysts”. Thankfully I didn’t have any of those.
The thing that saddens me the most is that 1 out of every 10 women in the US have endo, yet many remain undiagnosed. To me it seems like a confusing disease. Most regular Dr’s are not properly trained or educated about it. Many women, myself included, finally resign that it’s all ‘in my head’. But it’s not. Way too many times the pain is not looked at as a serious issue until the subject of infertility comes up. And that is just one of the symptoms. There are many women that deserve to have their case looked at and treated even if they have not been seeking infertility treatments.
There are 4 stages of endometriosis: minimal, mild, moderate, severe. However, stage was primarily developed to assess fertility and has no bearing on pain or symptoms. A person in stage 1 can suffer in the extreme while a person with stage 4 does not experience any pain (though higher stages often present with painful, fibrotic and deep disease).
Ok, so a little bit about ablation vs excision.. I debated about copying paragraph 10 from this page, but decided to keep writing in my own words to make it as plain and simple as I understand it. Basically the ablation surgery is the normal everyday surgery most of your OB/GYNs will perform. They will just go in and skim or burn off the tops of the endo, what they can see. Leaving behind the bulk of your endo and allows the subsequent adhesions to bury the remaining disease. Definitely causing you pain again in the future. Most likely the Dr will give you medication or advise diets to control the inflammation and chances of it causing pain again. Laparoscopic Excision (LAPEX) is the surgical cornerstone of any high quality approach to correctly treating the disease. LAPEX allows for endometriosis to be meticulously removed – cut out – from all areas, without damaging surrounding structures or removing otherwise healthy organs. I also firmly believe that it is not just important to find a Dr. performing excision, but find one with lots of experience, who really knows what he’s doing-his speciality. Also make sure you trust the skill of your surgeon! (more details on how & why we chose our surgeon in Part II.) So basically imagine an adhesion of endo as a huge iceberg with only 1/4 of it poking up out of the water, ablation will burn off the top 1/4 and leave the rest. Excision will remove the entire iceberg layer by layer until there is none left. With ablation you have a 40-60% chance of the endo symptoms returning in 1 year, and 80% chance that it will be back in 5 years. With excision you only have a 5-7% rate of return in 5 years.
Whew that felt like a lot of information. If you have any clarifications or comments, feel free to comment! Also stay tuned for Part II where I will be sharing about my personal experience with LAPEX by Dr. Sinervo!
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
Oh wow..so many emotions today. I got a babysitter for the boys so I can catch up on some projects that need done. I came home n was hit square in the face with a QUIET house. Normally I would love and appreciate this, but with NIAW going on, I’ve been thinking about how infertility has affected us. And the feelings all came rushing back. The quiet. The lonely. The long days. The sadness. The hopelessness. The feeling like time is our worst enemy. The too tidy house. The anger. The unfairness. The shattered dreams. The utter utter quiet and all the tears. The constant reminders of it just being the 2 of us. And I began to wonder what changed? An incredible 5 years that I wouldn’t want to relive but also wouldn’t trade who we have become!
To be honest, some days I almost wish for the quiet days but I never wish for what came with it or where I was. The bitter sting of it is not an all consuming feeling anymore. Mostly it was an inward change.. Realizing that joy is not JUST in a wrapped up baby.. A choice to look beyond myself. A choice to allow this pain and heartache push me into something more and deeper than myself and really look at God’s heart and say, what do you want me to do now? What do you think about this? Should I sit here and dig myself in this deep hole and mull around in the pain? Or what in the world is next?!
I fully advocate in being real & true in your feelings, but can I plead with you to not stay stuck there? Piece by piece with bleeding fingers pick up the shattered pieces and give it up to God. Ask Him to redeem this ugly, the honest hard things into something beautiful. Something He can use.. Even when it doesn’t feel possible, ask Him to show you how, I promise He will show you His most tender Daddy-arms. He will show you His heart towards you is for good and not for evil. He will show you the love and good good gifts He has for you. He hurt so deeply with His own Son that He turned His face away, but He allowed it to happen because He knew the whole story and what redemption was going to look like. What beauty was going to be possible from the ashes.
I think the biggest light bulb for me was when I was able to stop blaming God for it. I didn’t know how I could trust Him when He kept handing me all this ugly stuff. I just thought somehow it was His plan for me, and I didn’t really want it. No, HIS PLAN was redemption and the beauty that comes out of the pain. He hurts with me and wanted to comfort and heal me but instead I was blaming Him for something that didn’t even come from His storehouses.
Somedays I feel like I’m getting a tiny glimpse of the masterpiece and next I very sharply feel the pain dripping from my heart as I choose to pick up shattered plans and dreams and give them back up to God asking Him to redeem this into what He can use for His glory. It’s so much sweeter being able to rest in His unfathomable love than the alternative. I don’t understand the why, but even if I did I don’t think I would find comfort in it.
Realize it’s ok to get out of your trouble bubble and find joy even if you will feel pain again on another day. Others will be able to look past the stigma of infertility with you if you can do it too. But if you stay stuck and closed, it will become a topic no-one wants to touch. Barrennness does not define you. And just because you are happy and busy and joyful does not mean you will not grieve the loss of pregnancy somedays. You just might be able to find purpose outside of that and that means you are looking at the right Source and He will hold you close, just keep being honest with Him…. Just like this morning, I knew I had moved past all those feelings and found healing, but it’s ok to grieve and heal again. Sometimes I wonder if it’s like another level, one layer at a time.
Everyone is at their own place on their own journey and I 100% respect that. Infertility affects people in different ways. There is always hope no matter where you are. And every story matters! I shared my aspect along with a wonderful bunch of other warriors over at In Due Time, go check it out and leave some love.
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
The last few weeks I spent quite a bit of time processing something that kinda plopped itself right in front of me. Oftentimes Bible passages speak differently to different people and thats ok, that’s the awesomeness of God’s Word; it meets us where we are and ministers to everyone! So I just wana share a bit how God has been speaking to me thru His Word lately..
So, like most other barren women today, I love the stories in the Bible about the women who were barren, feeling very ‘down & out’, they prayed and prayed. They got their husband to pray for them & some even asked other men of God to pray for them that God would give them a child. God heard their prayer and opened their womb and they conceived! Obviously we don’t always know their Timeline and I am pretty sure they didn’t all conceive during their next cycle. In fact, one account it appears it was 20 years from when they began praying till God opened her womb. However, lately I have been looking at these stories in a lil different way than what you may typically think or immediately presume. I have been seeing a different approach, a deeper connection that these aren’t just for the barren woman of today. If a situation you are in looks impossible, keep reading.
While I would love to say, Look! Every woman in the Bible that was barren, ended up conceiving. So we need only have faith and our story will commensurate to the Bible Stories. I can’t help but realize that there were probably some women back in those times that were barren and died without ever conceiving. And I also know of some godly women today that have never conceived and have peace in being barren. So does that make their stories, their lives, unsuccessful? No, absolutely not! Hang with me……
You see, I’m slowly starting to see that success doesn’t come in us measuring up to the ‘ideal mold of a family’.. success is in God, being able to complete His work in & through us even if it looks different than what we imagined.
So why were only the ones that conceived recorded in the Bible? This is where I may have a lil different view for you. What if those stories were not recorded to give hope to the barren woman? What if the main topic in these stories is not about infertility? What if they were recorded to show to all people, including the barren woman, that God is capable of doing anything. Even if it looks humanly impossible? Nothing is too hard for Him to accomplish. You don’t have to have the ‘picture-perfect life’ in order for God to use you. God has a plan-and when we line up with that plan, there really is NOTHING that can get in the way. God was leading up to the redemption of the world, and to show that it was HIM doing the work, He used the infertile, the poor.. Sara, Rebekah, Elisabeth were barren women that God used to complete His story & bring Him glory! That gets me excited, no matter how impossible your situation may look, God can still 100% complete His plan. I can’t help but think how beautiful that is before God. Having that kind of faith that God can do anything and always holding onto that hope. Matthew 8:5-10
Another thing that I often come across is that barrenness is just way more common today than it was in Jesus’ time because of our unhealthy & sinful standard of today’s world. Yes, I am sure the numbers are a bit more dramatic, sadly. But thankfully God’s power hasn’t changed! And if barrenness wouldn’t have been a common issue back then, I don’t believe that it would have been spoken of so often in the Bible. Everytime it is spoken of in the Bible, it clearly indicates that God is the One who opens and and closes the womb. I sometimes wish it was always as direct as in Ex. 23:25, 26 -“You must serve only the Lord your God. If you do, I will bless you with food and water, and I will protect you from illness. There will be no miscarriages or infertility in your land, and I will give you long, full lives.”
I firmly believe God wants us to care for our bodies etc….. However I think sometimes we get so stuck in the hard season we are in, be it sickness, miscarriage, infertility, loss, depression, _____(insert yours). We start thinking we cannot be of any use to God until ‘this’ is gone. Somehow without even fully knowing, we get the twisted outlook that our life is worthless, it’s just not measuring up. But God never chalks up a life like that, or a season, as useless, one He can’t do anything with. NOO!! We have our focus on the wrong thing. It’s not about the pain. It’s not about the circumstances. I’m quite convinced God would love if there would be no pain in the world. It’s about who God IS. In our weak and vulnerable times, He invites us. “Come away with Me. Healing will not satisfy you, but I will.” This is not a wasted space in your life, but rather an invitation to be filled. To grow deep roots in Him. Your tree will grow strong and unwavering, loaded with fruit when your root system is deeply hidden in Him. Remember, it’s not about the barren women, it’s about God using redeemed people to complete His story & bring Him glory.
Paul talks about it in a beautiful way, and I think it is so key the way he relates it. The handicap does not come from God, but God can redeem it and use it to bring Him glory. Paul even began seeing it as a gift because he knew that if in his weakness he let Christ take over, He would be strong in Him. I think that is such a beautiful picture. He pleads with God to remove the thorn in his flesh, and then gives it back over to Him. When we allow God to redeem our hardship, people see God alive in our weakness. He gets ALL the glory! God doesn’t always heal, but He always saves and always redeems.
“Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” 2 Cor. 12:7-10 MSG.
This is definitely one of my draft posts and a reality in my life today. I would love to hear your thoughts!
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
Been pondering what to share this month and I suppose it may be time for a bit of a personal life and family update.. Fittingly so with this being the month marking 1 year ago that we received twin baby boys into our home. Seems a bit surreal and sorry if you already know all the stats, but I wanted to write it down for my own remembrance 🙂
Last July 5th we said good-bye to our first lil boy #MrSunshine and a few days later we welcomed twin 4 1/2 month old boys into our home on July 11th. Because it wasn’t any legal or criminal issues, but merely a lack of proper support, as soon as birth mom was back in shape the boys returned home, no questions asked. I won’t say how many questions and doubts I had, but I chalked them up to me being overly sensitive n attached to the boys in wanting to keep them. In those 5 months we had definitely fallen in love with Bubba & Buddy and were heartbroken telling them good-bye on Dec. 7th. We were not in any rush to take new placements in allowing ourselves proper time to heal (more on that another day.) Also I kept somewhat in contact with mom and told her we would like to support and help her with the boys when she delivers new baby girl in February.
On a personal life level, just prior to the twins leaving we felt led to do a few tests and check out why I have been having such severe menstrual cycles. Crippling to the point of vomiting and, well, I’ll just end it there. We didn’t really receive the quick fix we had silently been hoping for, except that the Dr. recommended I double or triple my pain meds and swap off with tylenol and ibuprofen. My body had become immune to ‘2 advils’.. He, however, felt pretty strongly that I probably have endometriosis. And if you know anything about it, the only way to confirm it & repair it is through surgery. He suggested we check out the Creighton Model FertilityCare System and do some blood work as cheaper alternative ways to definitely track what is going on with my body. So during this kid-break, we took the opportunity to take the classes & learn the CrMS charting. We have been really impressed with it so far. God opened and closed some doors pretty clearly to us in what to pursue, and at this point we are happy & at peace where it led us. If you have any questions feel free to ask, & hopefully we will have more answers in the future.
December & January We took a Florida vacation, celebrated the Holidays with family, partied in the Smoky Mountains and just did life TOGETHER.. Emotionally we just really needed each other. And I didn’t see myself being ready for another attachment in quite awhile. The end of January, I was in contact with the twins’ mother and we ended up watching Buddy while she was in unexpected labor with baby.. she was not early but with many complications, it was prolonged and we ended up getting Bubba a few days later and were so enjoying babysitting them! They seemed kind of in shock but definitely recognized us and our home. Baby made it, but by a series of complete miracles and would end up having a month stay in the NICU.
And then the text came…I was actually rather shocked and my heart was kind of confused with all of it: “The boys’ trial home visit has been disrupted and they will be staying with you again for awhile.” Babysitting was suddenly placement. Of course I was excited to see them, love on them and watch them grow again. But so much had happened in those short 8 weeks and my heart was not prepared for this at all.. They turned 1 a month later & we got to celebrate their birthday with them! But at the same time, it tore me apart. So confusing and traumatizing for them. So disappointing for the bio mom & family. That’s not all, we also got 2 more of their siblings, aka sisters. Two days later 3 year old Glitterbug came & a month later we brought Miraclebaby home from the hospital. Yes we are busy and yes it can be overwhelming. Also YES, our hearts are full!
Look at all those hair!
There are so many things I wish I could tell you about them and their lives.. But obviously it is not my story to tell. Just know that these are some of the sweetest and most beautiful children around. 3 out of the 4 are high energy kids, and cause me pure exhaustion by the end of the day. They have adjusted to us and life here quite well, perhaps better than what we have!
It has been over 4 months now being a family of 6. Let me tell you, becoming an instant family of 4 kids, ages 3 and under is no joke. And 1 year twins in the middle?! Of course the first month is all fun and everyone is doing great. Month 2 the crazy is high and the real is coming out, turns out 8 wks can raise alot of insecurities for babies. Month 3 we all just want to quit; but we keep reminding each other of that moment we knew God wanted us to say Yes and we keep pushing through, verbalizing that we embrace this life and family. Month 4 we have found a new normal and most days we feel like we are ready and ok for the long haul this appears it is going to be. And we are learning how to specialize in each individual to bond with them instead of lumping them together in an overwhelming sense where no one feels valued. We actually love doing this again & treasure having a family. Routines have definitely taken shape and bring security to us all. I don’t know how I do it most days, but have discovered that the best way to not become overwhelmed is to not ‘plan’ to accomplish anything. Lessen my expectations. Be satisfied in playing on the floor most of the day. Feel full and accomplished without crossing off a to-do list. Believe me, it is still a work in progress, that last one. But I have to constantly remind myself what is most important and not just in a cliche type of way. FOR REAL. Currently I am learning how to carve out time for what God wants me to do on a personal level and am in search of soul rest even in the daily ‘crazy’ schedule.
Recently I was kind of berating God, why He had brought us to a place of peace in saying Yes, and then just left us sit and fend for ourselves in this difficult journey? Why does it suddenly seem like a heavy burden to bear?! He reminded me of the verse my yoke is easy and my burden is light and that I had been trying to carry this yoke alone. I need to come away with Him, into His yoke and it will be free & light. That takes intentionality. Time to stop. Rest. Commune with Him and allow Him to guide every footstep and not just go go go…. In the midst of 50 things pounding in my head that need to be done, schedules & appointments nearly colliding, visits being rescheduled 5x in 1 day….I am learning to literally lift up my hands and say, You control it God and make it work out. Show me what I can cut out or do to make it work. I know You care & You will make a way.
I just really wana shout out to my amazing husband & partner in all of this, he pulls more than his share of the load. He changes just as many poopy diapers as I do, bathes the boys 99% of the time, does the nightly ritual of putting baby to bed & 100% cares for the boys if they wake during the night. Not only is he the entertainer of all things play in the evenings, he is also the first one out of bed & has coffee brewed for me when I drag myself out 10 (or 20) minutes later. He often cooks us breakfast, or half of it at least & never complains about helping me with last minute meal prep. He never leaves the kitchen until the table is cleared. If it looks like the dogs may fare too richly under our table he will find the broom & remedy that. He washes many dishes, and loads/unloads the dishwasher whenever there is a need. Many laundry-day evenings will find him helping me clear our bed and put away what I didn’t get folded yet. If I’m feeling like I need space, he usually figures out a way for me to get groceries alone or takes the kids on a drive or takes them outside. Anytime there’s even the slightest opportunity that one can ride along with him, he will be the first to suggest it. My chocolate stash stays well supplied. I am so grateful that he helps me around the house until the toys are picked up and things in order so that I can sit with him after the babies are in bed. There’s alot more, but you get the picture, he is Super Amazing & I wana be more like him. I’m seriously so humbled how well he loves me in word & action.
We were very grateful to family for watching our brood so that we could celebrate our 5th Wedding Anniversary in May. It was seriously one of the cheapest and best vacations we ever had. Originally our plans were a bit more elaborate to celebrate the big five. But then when we had to downscale we knew right away it was the perfect opportunity to relive our first dates and part of our honeymoon in MO. Something we had often talked about doing, and I’m so grateful circumstances led us in that direction. While it is awesome to make new memories, it is so soo good to stop and remember where we came from and how it all started. Even experience those first heart flutters again. 😉
We took the kiddoes to the zoo and the parade.. felt like big accomplishments and they loved it! They spend many hours on our swing set Dan built and the pool has been brought out of storage. We also added 2 baby kitties to our family and thankfully their airways seem to handle frequent squeezing quite well. They absolutely love pizza, so Lil Caesars has seen us quite frequently! We have had more than our fair share of sicknesses, Dr. appointments and teething irritability and are always so grateful for the few days of good health! And we have gone on multiple road trips, we love traveling and the kiddoes do fairly well with it as well. So yeah, its been pretty interesting around here.
And just like that we are halfway through 2017 already and it feels like it was just January. I’m presuming the rest of the year will evaporate just as quickly. One day blends into the next and the months slip away without us hardly noticing. We hope to look back at these days with fond memories and not just a blurred image. Are you saying Yes to what matters today?
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog [top right corner] or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
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