a timeline of His Scripting
Short Version:
- became aware of each other’s existence in big green earth; January 2007.
- boy meets girl; Fall 2008.
- first date; June 17, 2011
- Engaged; February 26, 2012
- Got married; May 19, 2012
- Started ttc; Spring 2013
- Foster Care licensed; April 28, 2015
- today; Spring 2016……………….
Long Version:
We’ve always wanted a family. Knew from the very start, before we ever said ‘I Do’ that it was something we wanted. We dreamed about our children. Us. As a family of more than two. It was something we prayed about frequently, and we prayed for our dear loved children. Our hearts burst with love for them even though we didn’t know them at all. We dreamed about how they would look and what memories we would create with them.But we also felt very strongly that it wasn’t something we wanted to [or should] rush into.
Before our wedding. Our wonderful 11 months of courtship consisted of learning what it really is to love each other and going on dates and dreaming together and discussing things that really mattered and understanding who the other was. But marriage was different, yes marriage is all of that, but it’s also so much more.
Let me just STOP here a bit and say that I absolutely loove being married, it’s so much fun and sometimes I think my heart is nearly gonna burst because of all the love I feel for my Sweetheart, plus trying to soak in all the undying love he has for me. Over and over I’m amazed at the wonderful way that God brought us together and how that marriage truly is so awesome, I don’t have to ‘pretend’ to be happy or in love, I just am and it’s so good! So while we’re being honest and real, a good marriage takes a lot of time and a lot of work. I don’t think that it’s that “hard” but it takes effort. And so yeah, in the joys and fun of being together also comes learning how to keep house and pay the bills. We learned how to trust the other, help each other, understand what the other is feeling without them even saying a word. And yes, quite frequently we’d mess up, and have to stop, say I’m sorry and try again. But we grew, we talked easier, we understood deeper, we shared more, we learned what communication works. I started being lonesome for him when he was away, instead of lonesome for my family. Plus the lil house on the hill became home. But it took time, tears, and dedication. The best gift in all of this was we were also learning so much more about God- who He is, and what He wanted out of us. And in the midst of all this trial and error, fun and tears, we realized the importance of Building a foundation firm and secure together on the solid Rock… And we decided to take a good year focusing on just that.
After a year we were starting to think more and more about a family. We wanted one. The more we prayed about it the more we wanted it. But we also knew that God is in control and we really wanted Him to have His way in it. We talked about it soo often, we knew He could have given us a baby before this, and trust me, we would have been thrilled! But now we felt like were truly ready to throw all caution to the wind. You know, how sometimes when you pray and pray and you just sense, like yea, it’s the right time.
So for a lil personal note here, I remember so distinctly the night we prayed. And we gave it ALL to our dear Heavenly Father God and we trusted Him without a shadow of doubt. We told Him all we that we felt, all that we wanted and all that our hearts desired. We worshiped Him for being our true amazing Heavenly Father. We gave Him permission to take our lives, our plans, our children, and do what He wanted to do with them. We consecrated ourselves, our lives and the lives of our children into His Hands. It was so out of our control, but we knew deep inside that it was truly what we wanted-only His perfect and amazing plan! We asked God to write this story for us; the story of our babies.
As it turns out month one, we weren’t pregnant! Yay, it just tickled us to know that God truly was hearing us and did have His Hand in this and He was so gonna make this happen in His time-zone. I ordered a bunch of “what’s going to happen while you’re pregnant” books, because I was going to need them in a month or so. Little did I have a clue what we were walking into..
Month three, four, five passed with no news.Well ok, this is interesting God, you must really have bigger plans than we did! We devoted most of our time during that time caring for 2 lil children that came into our home for a few months, so we were definitely kept busy! I must say I was beginning to wonder what is going on tho?!
By month six, October 2013, we were to the point where we thought ok, maybe we need to buckle down and be more serious about this? But turns out I was really struggling that month with other personal things and I knew that that was one thing that I can just release and let God so I chose not to worry about knowing what my body is doing everyday and just go with the flow. That was a beautiful decision for both me and my hubby! Also in that time 3 people told me they dreamed that I was pregnant or had symptoms that they knew I was pregnant. And we had someone come pray over us and the future of our family. (All of these without us sharing what really was going on inside.) So somehow I knew, even if I wasn’t ‘getting pregnant’ God was doing a work. Truly even deeper and more significant than I could even imagine. And while we weren’t getting pregnant with a baby, we were definitely birthing [birth definition: the coming into existence of something] some deep truths. One thing that we both felt pretty strongly during this time is that God is in control of this and we are supposed to wait on Him. We knew there were options out there to ‘dig into’, but even though sometimes we questioned, should we? Our journey so far hasn’t been about that. We weren’t being led in that direction n most certainly every time we knocked on that door, God simply said, No, I got it, just trust me.
During the next few months were probably some of our lowest times and then our high and most joyful times. It really seemed like every time we would hit a low we would get a song, a word, a promise, a peace… something. And it grew our roots even deeper into understanding our Heavenly Father. The pain sometimes was so real, so raw, there was no way to even try to cope with it….but to simply give it to our Jesus. The questions, oh yea, they burned and spun over and around in our minds. What to do when there are no answers, you hear nothing but simply, Trust. Trust is really such a beautiful thing! Why would we even worry about one tiny oober little thing, or why would we concern ourselves with: ‘just how is this (something we are going through) going to turn out’?? When we serve such an amazing God. The One who created us. The One who knows all things. The One who is in control. The One who can take even the most awful things in life and make them beautiful. The One who scripts our Story so perfectly if only we allow Him. It is us that should bow in adoration that He chose us for such a divine purpose.
We were starting to feel verry alone. Which, never opening up and letting others in, is something that can happen very quickly. But, just the thought of going public and sharing our story was frightening, so we decided 1 step at a time. We shared our hearts with some of our close family and our small group at church. NOT for pity or sympathy; rather for empathy and encouragement. Man, is it ever hard to open up and share! But I learned some valuable things during that time; it’s ok if everyone knows, this IS part of our journey and hiding it doesn’t change it, I don’t need to protect myself, or be able to trust others with our information- I just need to be obedient and if God asks me to be vulnerable He is more than able to take care of and hold me. And, maybe, just maybe, sharing our story will be able to help someone else.
And of course that 9 month “month” was a difficult one for me.. I couldn’t help but imagine how different this month was compared to what I had ‘planned’. I mean, I thought we would be painting a nursery, setting up a crib and trying to prepare for the birth of our baby……. Instead we went on a few trips and came home with a young girl that lived with us for 12 weeks..
Just like that a year had come and gone…. So I dug into my training as a volunteer at a local crisis pregnancy center and was able to see my own clients. Without disclosing personal info, let’s just say that God divinely appointed my time there and put me face to face with miracle conceptions more than once. #amazing Also in the spring of 2014 I found out I was going to need surgery on my knee as I had definitely tore my ACL snow-skiing in Gatlinburg. So…. there was therapy and surgery and tons more therapy. From accident till therapy was complete, was a whopping 8 months! Even though this all took up a lot of our time, it was also during these times when it hit the hardest. Why don’t we have our own children? We had to give to over to God again and again. As it sure seemed like we would have chosen different than what we were experiencing!
I did a lot of baking in the summer/fall of 2014, and just wholeheartedly threw my heart into my work and enjoying life with my hubby. Meanwhile we were coming back to our prayer, over and over. God you are in control. God, we trust you. God, fulfill your plan. It truly is an humbling feeling, knowing that His plans are so much bigger and better than ours. I mean ours look pretty amazing, fun and good. But how can His be better and yet so painful at times? We were begging God, is there something more we aren’t understanding? What do you want out of us? Is there something wrong? Are we not supposed to have our own children? Is there medically something amiss? There were a lot of questions, believe me! My husband, the dear wonderful steady love of my life, kept me stable. His faith in what God was doing was like a pillar of hope for me that I could cling to. It was what kept me believing in something greater in the midst of all of the questions. He just knew without a shadow of doubt that God is going to give us children yet. And so really, we leaned heavily on each other and both even more on God. It was a beautiful time and we relaxed and enjoyed just being the two of us. One, maybe two, hard days at a time, but the rest of the time we really were having a lot of fun and experiencing a sweet kind of joy walking blindly, yet by faith. It might sound confusing, but there is so much joy, even in pain, when you have God. And the questions, we didn’t know the answers. But we could give them to Someone who did.
January 2015 we got a super clear leading in the direction of one of our prayers and we excitedly began the process of getting licensed for foster care.. Finally got it accomplished and received our first baby girl in May..
Before we knew it 2 years had passed… The following year was like another level for us, it wasn’t easier, but we have become more educated, more open and we are still very much full of hope. We have tried a lot of things, and we’re not opposed to trying more… {I’ll spare you the details}. But we know that we will never pursue medical intervention, ivf, iui, etc. It’s just not for us. Trying to read into every body sign and taking pregnancy tests gets very tiresome and took its toll on us. We realize that because we live in a sinful world our bodies don’t always perform right, so we have not reached this decision in a naïve manner, but simply being obedient and trusting in our Father & Healer. To be clear here… while we are being obedient in waiting on God right now & seeking His direction, we have chosen to not make ourselves go crazy with every lil thing that we could be doing different and trying to make it happen. We feel at complete peace that we have searched our hearts and they are open and clean before Him and that we are in His time-zone where miracles happen and each conception is a miracle. He has a plan. We both know that God has a way bigger purpose in this than what we can see. I know without a shadow of a doubt that just like God looked at faithful women in the Bible that were barren, answered their prayers and they conceived; He is still the same God and can do the same for me! [I hope to share their stories with you in future posts 
] I can’t wait to see God’d completed tapestry, I know it’s going to be beautiful in the end.
So here I am 3 years later, sharing our journey with all who care to hear. Here is a lil tidbit into how I got to the place of 100% peace in sharing our story… If you have read everything so far, you may remember me saying that it looked way too frightening to share with the world what we were going though. So you may be wondering, Why am I writing about it now? Good question. For me to digest, to learn, to come to a conclusion, even to find healing. I write. Many months in I had started to become numb to what really is going on. Not taking any time to write. I started hearing God saying, you should start writing about your journey. And at first I got defensive, Write about it, that would be a discouraging thing to read! Why should I write about it?! What would people think? It’s none of their business! ……I can just see God smiling. But He kept nudging. Just share your heart. True, but if they judge, I will protect you, all I’m asking is for you to be obedient and I’ll take care of the rest. I want you to learn how to glorify Me in this. I want you to show HOPE to others. Timidly I began saying, ok….but then it was, how God? what should I write, how do I say it? And I began specifically praying that if I was to write our story, I needed God to show me how to write it and what to name it. And out of the blue one day, I vividly got some words that perfectly summed up our journey-and I was like wow. Then I heard this whisper-There, use that basis n blog. It’s not about me or us or our kids, it’s about God and the story He is writing… I wrote it, but I’m not gonna lie, it’s taken a long time for me to actually be able to post it. Come along and join in if you want to hear how the story unfolds. It is so not scripted the way I would write a novel, however it is truly perfect because we gave God the pen and He is writing the most beautiful story..
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