by Julia | Feb 20, 2020 | Our Captured Life
thanks to Mary Kate Photography
Well Hello again, my brain has whipped out so many blog posts, but seemingly my fingers have not connected with the keyboard in order for them to hit publish! Busy mom status I suppose.. But also, am realizing that one has time to do whatever you make a priority and I am shifting some priorities around in the coming year. High on my list of priorities is to live a more relaxed lifestyle – one that actually takes time to do what brings ‘life’ for myself and those things that I save to do “on vacation” and incorporate them into my monthly life habits. In short, these are a few basic ones: #1. Read #2. Write #3. Date my husband. #4. Go do fun things with my kids outside of the daily norm that create memories.
I am the type that I always have a long ‘to do’ list laying around somewhere, that creates a ‘need’ to be working when I am at home. I am not necessarily always working, but my brain can quickly feel overwhelmed or mentally feel like I should be doing something instead of relaxing. Rather than giving myself permission to read/write, I think it is a luxury that I cannot afford, & then I feel depleted. I can rarely truly relax or mentally unplug enough from my lists to allow myself to do something that fulfills & renews me while in my own house. But take me to a coffee shop, or on vacation and I am as free as a bird and can focus, relax, laugh and smile with no care in the world. (what enneagram number am I?!) While on vacation, I will even sit on the couch and watch late night shows with my hubby or make it a goal to write for therapy. This past December when we were on vacation in Florida the drastic difference became vividly clear to me and I committed to live more of a ‘vacation-mode-lifestyle’ in the comfort of my own home and with those I love the most. Isn’t it funny how when we unplug and take time how things suddenly become obvious and you realize you need more of those moments.
Whoa, I got a bit carried away there… So, year 2019 recap— In the beginning of the year we were settling into our OWN ‘new-to-us’ home and baby Jenson was born on Valentine’s Day. Two incredible life experiences that we had longed planned and dreamed for and were truly answered prayers. We began 2019 still feeling like our cups were full and overflowing and reveling in the abundance of God’s good and precious gifts to us. Perhaps it made us a bit less laser-focused and we started out the year with no specific goals written out and it kind of majorly affected our year. At first it felt like it was all negative and that we were quite ‘purposeless’ and to be honest I don’t think there was a lot of growth. But then (or now, looking back) it actually turned into a good thing of just evaluating where we are and where we want to go. Being a goal-oriented driven person that likes to achieve it was hard for me at times, but I kept sensing that I needed to just be still and trust God in the process of the what seemed like nothing. Because He was working.
We had to make some hard decisions concerning our foster care journey. Tennessee decided to roll out a federal policy that all foster parents must take the flu shot & Tdap vaccine yearly, we struggled, but thought we just won’t think about it and get them. Then we started with a selective vaccination schedule for our baby; which then turned into, No you have to get all of the vaccinations if you want to foster. I had written a long paragraph about how we reached our decision, but deleted it, because this is not about vaccines or to educate you. If you would like to know more you may gladly message me and I will share what I have found. But I feel like if everyone would do ‘real research’ they couldn’t inject their babies with allll of those vaccinations. As pro-life Christians, despite internally fighting it we couldn’t find peace going forward. Our passion has been so much for the foster babies, and I’m just asking God to change it and give me passion for something I can do! Right now we are allowed to care for children ages 6 and above, we will see how it goes if we do get placement in that age range. Until then and in the coming year we will continue to provide free resources for foster families with the Blessing Basket. Hopefully when our children are grown, we can again open up our home to the babies. <3 It breaks my heart, y’all, but the peace is worth it.
When it comes to family and work, it was a complicated season. I settled in being a SAHM, and then started my home-based CBD business, which created some fun and purpose for me, alongside playing with my kids and learning how to keep up with the daily tasks. My husband worked some long hours and God started stirring something within him to make some changes for what he wants to be doing long-term. You’d think having our dream of a forever family would just slide in and make everything be natural. And while it did make it all seem complete, it left us reeling a bit. When you go from having your family dynamic changing every few weeks/months to planning for 10 years down the road…. It feels completely new and overwhelming. Obviously this is what we wanted and still do, but I literally felt like we have no clue what we are doing. Like, what is the use of getting dogs for your kids if they will leave next year? Why would we want to start a farm if we maybe wanna move out west..(something that was definitely in our hearts if we weren’t going to have a family soon..) Why would we start taking yearly family trips if the next year we go and it causes a dull ache because the babies aren’t with us anymore? Is having a bunch of animals or outdoor work what we want in a few years, what if we have all girls? Should we continue with a fudge business, or perhaps we will have all boys that need to be outdoors? Our life scenario could completely change with a moments’ notice and we probably shouldn’t have made long term plans/ goals for them to be shattered at our feet. I’m not just talking about slight changes, but drastic changes where your whole family dynamic completely shifts!! To give you a slight glimpse, we went from having 2 little 18month+ girls to 0 children. A 10month old boy then a few weeks later twin 4 month old boys. Zero kids. Then, bam! Four kids; a newborn, twin 11 months olds and a 3 yr old. Suddenly our life consisted of solely caring for babies and a farm would have been way too much for me to look after yet too. —I hope this helps you understand just a little bit of what I am trying portray when I say that a forever family suddenly changes your whole mindset. I know it is just a normal way of life for most of you and seems weird to hear this, but it is so real! While I know accidents do happen, you still have way more of a long term life-style and family/work goals you work towards when you know that your children are not at the courts mercy to be snatched away at any moment. ALL THAT TO SAY….
READ HERE FOR THE EXCITING NEWS for 2020!!
We are super excited to announce that Dan took a leap of faith, quit his job and we are going to start raising pasture-raised meat… Chickens, pigs and cows to start off and we would love to raise them for YOU! If you know of anyone that wants to purchase any, please send them our way! We will start taking orders this Spring and would love to know if you are committed to purchasing any! It will also be processed in a USDA certified processing plant, so we could sell it in your store if you have market for it! Very soon we hope to have a Facebook Page and a website linked to my blog, so stay tuned. Obviously this takes a bit of time to build up and God has been super faithful to provide, why do we ever doubt?! For so long we knocked on doors, prayed and searched out different farming options and the doors would gently close or we wouldn’t feel at peace. But then when it feels right, but looks crazy and we just take that obedient step, God always opens the following doors like a domino effect. Dan got numerous part time job offers, which fit perfectly into what we need to start out our pasture raised farming system. And we trust He will continue to open those door as we need them.. This is exactly where we want to raise our 3 boys, being outside and working with the animals they love and the man they adore. Most of all, Dan had a deep desire and felt like he needed to be home more and around our boys as they grow. We feel incredibly grateful for our boys and want to raise them in rich life experiences. I’m excited to learn more about living off the land and being able to feed my family with the best quality meat! But. we do need a cute business/farm name- drop me your suggestions!! We live on Spring Hill Creek Road, like the idea of farm or pasture being in the name, but not our own personal names.. Ahhhh-Hellpp!
We ended the year with a magical week in Florida- Dan & I used to go every winter, but skipped a few and we are excited to start the tradition back up. It was the boys’ first beach experience and they loved it as much as we do! According to them we now have a beach house, and we are going back again ‘soon’. I love it 🙂
Now, for the best part.. highlighted pictures from the past year. (I spared you hundreds…)
Sweet baby shower
ready to ‘pop’!
Welcome baby Jenson Dayshawn Daniel
A Forever Family of Five
Happy 3rd birthday to my sweetest big boys!
Not a bad cake for 1 week Post part <3
My sweet perfect baby..
Just love us!
The whole Miller Family in TN celebrating my man’s 30th!
and the adventures begin!
…and now, 9 months outside!
so much fun in Florida!
brothers are the best
Christmas was more magical than the photos 😉
What was your favorite part of my update? 🙂 …and please drop your ‘farm name’ suggestions below..(or message me!)
by Julia | Mar 19, 2018 | Foster Care
Ugh, my stomach literally feels upset. Nerves. Today I am packing up my lil big girl and sending her to her ‘new home’. (as we so lovingly call it) Another transition for her. Number seven in just the last two years of her four year old life. Actually, that’s just from the past two years that I have known her, it’s hard to say where all she lived before then.
So she well knows and understands what is coming. It has been a week of trauma unlike I have ever experienced. Tears over basically nothing, whining, upset stomach, questions, resentment, lying, dejectedness, lack of appetite and did I say tears?.. SO grateful for the authority and power we have over these things in Jesus Name. Whew though, sometimes you just want it all to STOP instead of taking the time to stop and guide her through it. I’m the first to admit it wasn’t a pretty week, but God was so good through us in the midst of it all.
The other night after bedtime prayers, as I was tucking the blanket around her; I leaned down close to her face and whispered, “Miss ____, I am so sorry for all that you are feeling right now….. Immediately tears welled up in her little eyes. She knew what I meant without me saying more. We’ve talked about what emotions we feel when we go through certain things. Why she is struggling with everything this week. She asks again, “Does Jesus have power?” “Yep, all you need to do is say Jesus, He is always right there with you and stronger than anything else.” [..just a tiny excerpt of our conversation that followed..]
So yeah, #Glitterbug left again a few days ago. I am truly excited to see her go and begin life with her new forever family and biological Dad. It will be a big transition, but a good one. She hasn’t lived with black culture before and like we learned in training; we can love them and care for them as much as possible, we can never be blood-family-connected or give that to them. [Please don’t misunderstand, I am not against adoption, but that blood connection is something we cannot fill and it’s a huge gift to have family be reconnected. The sole purpose of foster-care by the way.] It is a tremendous gift she will appreciate as she grows older, to be exposed to and get to understand and appreciate that side of her culture. A big loss is to be separated from her brothers she grew up with in the past year, but she is gaining older siblings.
It tore me up today, we did pretty well going through her stuff, packing what she wanted to take along and discussing what’s happening. I leave the room and then hear sobs, almost screaming. “But I just want to go for a visit and come back to you.” So we just hug and cry together. And pray. Again. I keep asking God to redeem this pain in her life and let her be dynamite for Him. To destroy those voices and rejection. To cover her. I know without a doubt, that even though I feel helpless to help her. I have a purpose in her life. Prayer.
Shout out to my in-laws for loving her (and us) so well.. It has been a big adjustment into this foster care life for them. But I cherish these supportive moments. A thoughtful farewell dinner and little party. Sweet touches all around. Flowers specially delivered along with gummy bears the night before. Goodbye hugs without too much emphasis on the why. Last minute play-dates. A book dropped off just in time so she can take her favorite story along. [And if you want a really good book for an interrogative kid, about God in daily life, pick up this book!]
May you always leave a little sparkle wherever you go.
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
Linking up with #TellHisStory
by Julia | Mar 8, 2018 | Foster Care
First of all, I forgot to mention we had a lot of snow for about a week in January. Both the amount and the length of time are rare for TN, so we were thrilled!
And because I had birds again this winter!! I just love watching my birds and quite delighted with all the red cardinals. It was not rare to count 20 plus at one time 🙂 Such a beautiful sight, morning sunlight glistening off the snow with dots of red outside, and yes Christmas clings on the window. 
OK, I’m done with the weather.
We got lil miss Glitterbug back soon after the holidays and just before her 4th Birthday. Last year she came to live with us just days after her 3rd Birthday, so I wanted to do all I could to make it special for her. Turns out she was still going thru too many transitional fears and only wanted her party at our house, with no additional guests or gifts. What we have for her is enough she declared. But after excited party talk & explaining the layout of the party to her every day, she finally consented that I could invite a select few of my nieces and in-laws, our family around here. Also she kept lamenting every few days how she never got to see Santa Claus. So I knew I wanted to try to somehow combine a lil Christmas into her party to help her feel celebrated in both, thus the lights.
We kinda have this tradition of waking up to balloons and fun; then calmly celebrating their birthdays at home that night with candles & cupcakes. We have a party with family & friends later. It helps the celebration to go on a lil longer and hopefully avoid an overload of emotions. Having been warned of ‘birthday triggers’ I’m always hoping I’m taking the best precautions in keeping it fun for the kiddoes.
Here’s the thing about trauma.. you can never fully prepare because sometimes a child feels things they never felt before & doesn’t even know what is going on or why they’re upset, but suddenly all their safety flags are up and on high alert. No one is prepared. All we know is that we wanted to sing Happy Birthday. Sometimes what you think you see in behavior, is completely opposite from what is going on inside. Sometimes too much attention is terrifying and not enough is scary. For a child that craves and begs for attention, but then melts down at times when given too much attention – it’s purely exhausting. I’ve learned alot but I’m still learning so much that I hesitate to put too many words out there just yet. But yeah it was a little hard to know how to handle all the emotions that came with it but we decided to err on the side of caution and compassion & understanding. I wish it were that easy everyday…… Like I said, it is exhausting. (or maybe I’m just a lil over-tired right now 😛 ) 
I did have fun with her cake! I couldn’t really find what I was going for so I concocted my own design. She wanted a pink cake, with pink frosting in a heart shape. I only had this pan in a heart shape, that I had picked up at Aldi one day. It leaked out a lil, but worked just fine. I made her my favorite yummy Strawberry Cake. (if you want the recipe, I’ll gladly share) She was so excited because she got to help me make it and lick all the spoons. But then I surprised her with the decorations which she totally loved! I did have her name on the cake but edited it out for privacy. 
We got her a VTech Write and Learn Creative Center for her birthday and a sticker book. Both were great choices and have provided much entertainment for her and her 2 year old brothers. Although I cannot say enough good about the sticker books, I think we both equally love them. She does super well in matching the pictures and words. I was a lil frustrated at first because how is a 4 year old supposed to be able to find the correct stickers for the correct page? But they are all well organized and numbered, I get all the stickers on the couch or table beside her and she can do a 2 page spread alone. 
We spent many hours getting her hair combed out those first few weeks, because they came back in a matted mess. Yes it almost made me cry, her hair is so beautiful! But thankfully, after much diligent searching I found an amazing salon for black kiddoes. She was very helpful and gave me a comb that worked, plus shared lots of other great tips and resources. Seriously, the comb was amazing and I have searched everywhere online and cannot find one like it. But yeah, Crisco and olive oil are actually quite helpful in the hair department. So, after all that pain I allowed her to fulfill a dream; having beads in her hair. 3 hours was a long time, but the smiles and sheer delight in her eyes made it all worth it! She couldn’t stop twirling and saying how much she loved her beads. 
And it’s good-bye to the birthday & balloons… 
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
by Julia | Feb 22, 2018 | Foster Care, Our Captured Life
A New Year always brings hope. Even though we all know we can start new habits, make new plans any day of the year, there is something about January 1 that does it to all of us. Or at least those of us that like to categorize/ organize, there is just something about pulling out that new planner. Which reminds me, I am super excited to try my first Emily Ley planner this year! I’ve been a follower/fan girl for years now. 🙂
2018 just looked like an open year to us…finally. We decided to totally give ourselves space & grace, and focus on security n attachment bonding with our twin boys. I had a some mixed feelings, or like maybe I should feel guilty, but I was mostly relieved and happy knowing we were not taking any new placements for a long time, probably the whole year. We had some other big decisions to make and things to accomplish and I was getting so excited to just.slow.down.
My first goal was to utilize and practice the word “simplify”. One of those ways is getting rid of things that hold sentimental value but just clutter up my house. Another was to shush up some online voices for a lil while and listen more intently to God and my family. Focus on face to face relations first. There are a few things pretty heavy on my heart that I believe God wants me to see through His eyes and hear His heart. And I want to learn how to prioritize my time. Insert here, most of my updates will be through my blog, so if you don’t want to miss a post, please subscribe via email on the top right corner here. I’m sure my Instagram followers have noticed I have not been very active, sorry guys! I’m setting some goals and new habits, I’ll be back! We are so blessed by you, our family and friends close and via social media, that follow and share in our journey. My husband and I don’t want to leave you hanging, we covet your prayers and want to keep you updated. But we also realize that our priority is to be present in our family life first. Blogging is something I love doing and is one of the priorities I want to focus on this year. Dan is always encouraging me to write and so I want to give it a go this year n see if I can hit publish on all my draft posts.. (He always reads my posts and adds or takes away for me 😉 )
My hubby n I have a notebook with goals made for the past few years (not planning on sharing those). But if you want an idea where to get started, please watch Dave Ramsey’s video. He gives 7 steps that make it super easy to start and it really helps! Our goals are very similar to last year. Reading books & saving money seem to be the ones we reach the best. 🙂 I’ve been doing a Word of the Year for a number of years now.. I have been praying about my word for this year and Hope it is! My definition: “A confident expectation that a desire will be fulfilled.” I wasn’t sure what all it entailed when I recently began hoping in who God says that He is..but the more I proclaimed it and studied it, I began to realize there is a huge difference in the world’s view of hope and Biblical hope. The world’s view when using hope is often ‘pretty sure’ or ‘wanting something to be true’. Biblical hope is ‘100% sure’ because it comes from an infallible God. Our hope is in Him not in things or circumstances. Psalm 71:5 For thou art my hope, O Lord God: thou art my trust from my youth. I want to keep studying it and truly live my life like that. Everytime I delve into studying it and every day that my faith is shaken, I learn something about this. So I’m really excited to see what all I will learn about it this year.
“For not to hope is to allow something inside of us to die.”
Not gonna lie, January has already really shaken it and I kept hearing this whisper, if all else is taken away, “Am I enough?” It has been rough, but I want to not have to hesitate when I answer that question, that I know without a shadow that IN Him I have all I need. These valleys and painful times seem too much at times but I am so grateful for the growth and intimacy that comes when it is placed in God’s Hands. I don’t tend to thank God for a trial or something that is clearly not from Him, but I am thankful that He allows it & redeems what the enemy meant for evil!
So, back to the daily grind, January 4th we were made aware of an emergency situation with our 3 year old (her nicknames were Divagirl n Glitterbug) that left in November. Due to health issues with her Grandma, they asked us if we would take her back into our home. It feels so broken, but we knew that although it wasn’t the perfect plan, and not the outcome we had wanted for her. It was something where God wanted us to be part of His redemptive work and we welcomed her back into our home on January 9th. It has definitely been a rough couple weeks, we tried to cocoon her just a lil bit to help her unravel the confusion and establish trust again. She is having visits with her newly-established father and so we will help her through the coming transitions. It’s been emotionally hard for me because she’s so grateful to be home with her “Mom” again & I have no idea how I will be able to make her leave again. I have to really work on the truth n not let the ‘I’m abandoning her’ words over-power me.
January we also got hit with the flu, of course! Wiped me out for awhile and left me with no desire to accomplish anything. But, no matter what comes, we will continue to look ahead with excitement and hope for this New Year!
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
by Julia | Jan 19, 2018 | Foster Care, Our Captured Life
It’s been a lil too long, my fingers and brain have been itching to write but my heart doesn’t always know where to start. So, we’ll just start.
2017 is over and gone, just memories remain. I’m pretty much okay with putting that year behind me and looking forward to what is ahead. We started out the year as just the 2 of us, not really expecting it to change or adding any foster children anytime too soon, to give us time to heal and process from our twins leaving in December. But by the end of January we had the twins back, 11months old, and had said Yes to their 2 sisters, coming in the month of February. A 3 year old, and baby from the hospital.
We also started an organization called Blessing Basket, a clothing/items closet for families associated with foster care. We accept & give everything for free, basically just a bridge for the community to help out. Needless to say, with 4 toddlers I was a little overwhelmed and sold my fudge inventory, said goodbye to the business part of my life and tried to learn how to embrace this busy mom life.
We fought through lots of sicknesses and visited way too many Dr’s for our baby girl, but she came out ahead and strong by the end of the year! I learned pretty quickly I needed my people and family for support and accepting it was the key to making it through. I accepted help from my nieces for wks and food from friends all the time, breaks were granted to me by my husband and so much more.. I hired babysitters and cleaning ladies as needed. Even with that there were times it felt we were just surviving instead of thriving.. We did quite a bit of ‘necessary’ travel, but not nearly the recreational travel we thought we might 😉
Seriously, I don’t really know where the year went, it seemingly evaporated. It was probably a year I will always look back at as a blur, but I am thankful for journals and photos that help me remember the little moments that truly made it into a fun and amazing year. Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t choose to go through it again, but I learned a lot and would say yes to those 4 babies all over again. However, I probably ate more words and ideals than I thought I would, its not all roses being a needed human 24/7!
I clearly remember when we started this journey of foster care, secretly thinking and hoping that we’d have so many kids hanging at my legs I wouldn’t know which way to turn and I wouldn’t have time for anything else. But then there were times this past year I wondered what kind of fantasy I was dreaming about. I love loved the experience and the kids, but it was exhausting. Not only being a mum but navigating thru the visits, co-parenting with the legal, bio and grandparents, searching everywhere for answers to trauma added to the whole picture. Even though I still sometimes say, imagine what we’d be doing tonight if ‘no kids’, there is no way I would trade it for being a mom!
Spiritually I spent a lot of the year fighting God and learning how to do things on my own, because without realizing, I quit ‘really’ trusting Him. Oh I said I trusted Him and I thought I did. But He became the God who does what He wants, brings all this pain and turmoil into my life and no matter what I ask, He does what He wants anyway.. Graciously He showed me all of that and who He really is towards me. Lets just thats another post for another day, that changed my life. I think that’s why I am so grateful for all of last year and it bringing me to the end of myself so many times, and allowing me to truly find my Father’s heart. My word for 2017 was love, and it was definitely taken to a whole new level in a way I had no idea it could be..
So, anyways, as 2017 drew to a close, we said good-bye to our 3 year old, #divagirl moved in with her Grandma in November. In December #miraclebaby, now 10 1/2 months old went to live with another Grandma. If you follow me on social media, you know that it’s been pretty hard on all of us. We still get to have sibling visitation once a month, so that has helped. Christmas was quietly spent in TN with family and at home with our two lil remaining boys. We closed out the year by being taken out with a stomach virus, then the kids got strep. I think the word best used to describe 2017 would be ‘full’.
Whoops, I started out wanting to write about the New Year, but see what happened? When I start writing it just kind of spills out. I don’t really want to make this post super long, so I’ll divide it up and share a little how I feel about 2018 next time..
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog [top right corner] or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
