by Julia | Feb 20, 2020 | Our Captured Life
thanks to Mary Kate Photography
Well Hello again, my brain has whipped out so many blog posts, but seemingly my fingers have not connected with the keyboard in order for them to hit publish! Busy mom status I suppose.. But also, am realizing that one has time to do whatever you make a priority and I am shifting some priorities around in the coming year. High on my list of priorities is to live a more relaxed lifestyle – one that actually takes time to do what brings ‘life’ for myself and those things that I save to do “on vacation” and incorporate them into my monthly life habits. In short, these are a few basic ones: #1. Read #2. Write #3. Date my husband. #4. Go do fun things with my kids outside of the daily norm that create memories.
I am the type that I always have a long ‘to do’ list laying around somewhere, that creates a ‘need’ to be working when I am at home. I am not necessarily always working, but my brain can quickly feel overwhelmed or mentally feel like I should be doing something instead of relaxing. Rather than giving myself permission to read/write, I think it is a luxury that I cannot afford, & then I feel depleted. I can rarely truly relax or mentally unplug enough from my lists to allow myself to do something that fulfills & renews me while in my own house. But take me to a coffee shop, or on vacation and I am as free as a bird and can focus, relax, laugh and smile with no care in the world. (what enneagram number am I?!) While on vacation, I will even sit on the couch and watch late night shows with my hubby or make it a goal to write for therapy. This past December when we were on vacation in Florida the drastic difference became vividly clear to me and I committed to live more of a ‘vacation-mode-lifestyle’ in the comfort of my own home and with those I love the most. Isn’t it funny how when we unplug and take time how things suddenly become obvious and you realize you need more of those moments.
Whoa, I got a bit carried away there… So, year 2019 recap— In the beginning of the year we were settling into our OWN ‘new-to-us’ home and baby Jenson was born on Valentine’s Day. Two incredible life experiences that we had longed planned and dreamed for and were truly answered prayers. We began 2019 still feeling like our cups were full and overflowing and reveling in the abundance of God’s good and precious gifts to us. Perhaps it made us a bit less laser-focused and we started out the year with no specific goals written out and it kind of majorly affected our year. At first it felt like it was all negative and that we were quite ‘purposeless’ and to be honest I don’t think there was a lot of growth. But then (or now, looking back) it actually turned into a good thing of just evaluating where we are and where we want to go. Being a goal-oriented driven person that likes to achieve it was hard for me at times, but I kept sensing that I needed to just be still and trust God in the process of the what seemed like nothing. Because He was working.
We had to make some hard decisions concerning our foster care journey. Tennessee decided to roll out a federal policy that all foster parents must take the flu shot & Tdap vaccine yearly, we struggled, but thought we just won’t think about it and get them. Then we started with a selective vaccination schedule for our baby; which then turned into, No you have to get all of the vaccinations if you want to foster. I had written a long paragraph about how we reached our decision, but deleted it, because this is not about vaccines or to educate you. If you would like to know more you may gladly message me and I will share what I have found. But I feel like if everyone would do ‘real research’ they couldn’t inject their babies with allll of those vaccinations. As pro-life Christians, despite internally fighting it we couldn’t find peace going forward. Our passion has been so much for the foster babies, and I’m just asking God to change it and give me passion for something I can do! Right now we are allowed to care for children ages 6 and above, we will see how it goes if we do get placement in that age range. Until then and in the coming year we will continue to provide free resources for foster families with the Blessing Basket. Hopefully when our children are grown, we can again open up our home to the babies. <3 It breaks my heart, y’all, but the peace is worth it.
When it comes to family and work, it was a complicated season. I settled in being a SAHM, and then started my home-based CBD business, which created some fun and purpose for me, alongside playing with my kids and learning how to keep up with the daily tasks. My husband worked some long hours and God started stirring something within him to make some changes for what he wants to be doing long-term. You’d think having our dream of a forever family would just slide in and make everything be natural. And while it did make it all seem complete, it left us reeling a bit. When you go from having your family dynamic changing every few weeks/months to planning for 10 years down the road…. It feels completely new and overwhelming. Obviously this is what we wanted and still do, but I literally felt like we have no clue what we are doing. Like, what is the use of getting dogs for your kids if they will leave next year? Why would we want to start a farm if we maybe wanna move out west..(something that was definitely in our hearts if we weren’t going to have a family soon..) Why would we start taking yearly family trips if the next year we go and it causes a dull ache because the babies aren’t with us anymore? Is having a bunch of animals or outdoor work what we want in a few years, what if we have all girls? Should we continue with a fudge business, or perhaps we will have all boys that need to be outdoors? Our life scenario could completely change with a moments’ notice and we probably shouldn’t have made long term plans/ goals for them to be shattered at our feet. I’m not just talking about slight changes, but drastic changes where your whole family dynamic completely shifts!! To give you a slight glimpse, we went from having 2 little 18month+ girls to 0 children. A 10month old boy then a few weeks later twin 4 month old boys. Zero kids. Then, bam! Four kids; a newborn, twin 11 months olds and a 3 yr old. Suddenly our life consisted of solely caring for babies and a farm would have been way too much for me to look after yet too. —I hope this helps you understand just a little bit of what I am trying portray when I say that a forever family suddenly changes your whole mindset. I know it is just a normal way of life for most of you and seems weird to hear this, but it is so real! While I know accidents do happen, you still have way more of a long term life-style and family/work goals you work towards when you know that your children are not at the courts mercy to be snatched away at any moment. ALL THAT TO SAY….
READ HERE FOR THE EXCITING NEWS for 2020!!
We are super excited to announce that Dan took a leap of faith, quit his job and we are going to start raising pasture-raised meat… Chickens, pigs and cows to start off and we would love to raise them for YOU! If you know of anyone that wants to purchase any, please send them our way! We will start taking orders this Spring and would love to know if you are committed to purchasing any! It will also be processed in a USDA certified processing plant, so we could sell it in your store if you have market for it! Very soon we hope to have a Facebook Page and a website linked to my blog, so stay tuned. Obviously this takes a bit of time to build up and God has been super faithful to provide, why do we ever doubt?! For so long we knocked on doors, prayed and searched out different farming options and the doors would gently close or we wouldn’t feel at peace. But then when it feels right, but looks crazy and we just take that obedient step, God always opens the following doors like a domino effect. Dan got numerous part time job offers, which fit perfectly into what we need to start out our pasture raised farming system. And we trust He will continue to open those door as we need them.. This is exactly where we want to raise our 3 boys, being outside and working with the animals they love and the man they adore. Most of all, Dan had a deep desire and felt like he needed to be home more and around our boys as they grow. We feel incredibly grateful for our boys and want to raise them in rich life experiences. I’m excited to learn more about living off the land and being able to feed my family with the best quality meat! But. we do need a cute business/farm name- drop me your suggestions!! We live on Spring Hill Creek Road, like the idea of farm or pasture being in the name, but not our own personal names.. Ahhhh-Hellpp!
We ended the year with a magical week in Florida- Dan & I used to go every winter, but skipped a few and we are excited to start the tradition back up. It was the boys’ first beach experience and they loved it as much as we do! According to them we now have a beach house, and we are going back again ‘soon’. I love it 🙂
Now, for the best part.. highlighted pictures from the past year. (I spared you hundreds…)
Sweet baby shower
ready to ‘pop’!
Welcome baby Jenson Dayshawn Daniel
A Forever Family of Five
Happy 3rd birthday to my sweetest big boys!
Not a bad cake for 1 week Post part <3
My sweet perfect baby..
Just love us!
The whole Miller Family in TN celebrating my man’s 30th!
and the adventures begin!
…and now, 9 months outside!
so much fun in Florida!
brothers are the best
Christmas was more magical than the photos 😉
What was your favorite part of my update? 🙂 …and please drop your ‘farm name’ suggestions below..(or message me!)
by Julia | Jul 6, 2017 | Foster Care, me & my jewel, Our Captured Life, When God Writes your Baby Story
Been pondering what to share this month and I suppose it may be time for a bit of a personal life and family update.. Fittingly so with this being the month marking 1 year ago that we received twin baby boys into our home. Seems a bit surreal and sorry if you already know all the stats, but I wanted to write it down for my own remembrance 🙂 
Last July 5th we said good-bye to our first lil boy #MrSunshine and a few days later we welcomed twin 4 1/2 month old boys into our home on July 11th. Because it wasn’t any legal or criminal issues, but merely a lack of proper support, as soon as birth mom was back in shape the boys returned home, no questions asked. I won’t say how many questions and doubts I had, but I chalked them up to me being overly sensitive n attached to the boys in wanting to keep them. In those 5 months we had definitely fallen in love with Bubba & Buddy and were heartbroken telling them good-bye on Dec. 7th. We were not in any rush to take new placements in allowing ourselves proper time to heal (more on that another day.) Also I kept somewhat in contact with mom and told her we would like to support and help her with the boys when she delivers new baby girl in February.
On a personal life level, just prior to the twins leaving we felt led to do a few tests and check out why I have been having such severe menstrual cycles. Crippling to the point of vomiting and, well, I’ll just end it there. We didn’t really receive the quick fix we had silently been hoping for, except that the Dr. recommended I double or triple my pain meds and swap off with tylenol and ibuprofen. My body had become immune to ‘2 advils’.. He, however, felt pretty strongly that I probably have endometriosis. And if you know anything about it, the only way to confirm it & repair it is through surgery. He suggested we check out the Creighton Model FertilityCare System and do some blood work as cheaper alternative ways to definitely track what is going on with my body. So during this kid-break, we took the opportunity to take the classes & learn the CrMS charting. We have been really impressed with it so far. God opened and closed some doors pretty clearly to us in what to pursue, and at this point we are happy & at peace where it led us. If you have any questions feel free to ask, & hopefully we will have more answers in the future.
December & January We took a Florida vacation, celebrated the Holidays with family, partied in the Smoky Mountains and just did life TOGETHER.. Emotionally we just really needed each other. And I didn’t see myself being ready for another attachment in quite awhile. The end of January, I was in contact with the twins’ mother and we ended up watching Buddy while she was in unexpected labor with baby.. she was not early but with many complications, it was prolonged and we ended up getting Bubba a few days later and were so enjoying babysitting them! They seemed kind of in shock but definitely recognized us and our home. Baby made it, but by a series of complete miracles and would end up having a month stay in the NICU.
And then the text came…I was actually rather shocked and my heart was kind of confused with all of it: “The boys’ trial home visit has been disrupted and they will be staying with you again for awhile.” Babysitting was suddenly placement. Of course I was excited to see them, love on them and watch them grow again. But so much had happened in those short 8 weeks and my heart was not prepared for this at all.. They turned 1 a month later & we got to celebrate their birthday with them! But at the same time, it tore me apart. So confusing and traumatizing for them. So disappointing for the bio mom & family. That’s not all, we also got 2 more of their siblings, aka sisters. Two days later 3 year old Glitterbug came & a month later we brought Miraclebaby home from the hospital. Yes we are busy and yes it can be overwhelming. Also YES, our hearts are full!
Look at all those hair!
There are so many things I wish I could tell you about them and their lives.. But obviously it is not my story to tell. Just know that these are some of the sweetest and most beautiful children around. 3 out of the 4 are high energy kids, and cause me pure exhaustion by the end of the day. They have adjusted to us and life here quite well, perhaps better than what we have!
It has been over 4 months now being a family of 6. Let me tell you, becoming an instant family of 4 kids, ages 3 and under is no joke. And 1 year twins in the middle?! Of course the first month is all fun and everyone is doing great. Month 2 the crazy is high and the real is coming out, turns out 8 wks can raise alot of insecurities for babies. Month 3 we all just want to quit; but we keep reminding each other of that moment we knew God wanted us to say Yes and we keep pushing through, verbalizing that we embrace this life and family. Month 4 we have found a new normal and most days we feel like we are ready and ok for the long haul this appears it is going to be. And we are learning how to specialize in each individual to bond with them instead of lumping them together in an overwhelming sense where no one feels valued. We actually love doing this again & treasure having a family. Routines have definitely taken shape and bring security to us all. I don’t know how I do it most days, but have discovered that the best way to not become overwhelmed is to not ‘plan’ to accomplish anything. Lessen my expectations. Be satisfied in playing on the floor most of the day. Feel full and accomplished without crossing off a to-do list. Believe me, it is still a work in progress, that last one. But I have to constantly remind myself what is most important and not just in a cliche type of way. FOR REAL. Currently I am learning how to carve out time for what God wants me to do on a personal level and am in search of soul rest even in the daily ‘crazy’ schedule.
Recently I was kind of berating God, why He had brought us to a place of peace in saying Yes, and then just left us sit and fend for ourselves in this difficult journey? Why does it suddenly seem like a heavy burden to bear?! He reminded me of the verse my yoke is easy and my burden is light and that I had been trying to carry this yoke alone. I need to come away with Him, into His yoke and it will be free & light. That takes intentionality. Time to stop. Rest. Commune with Him and allow Him to guide every footstep and not just go go go…. In the midst of 50 things pounding in my head that need to be done, schedules & appointments nearly colliding, visits being rescheduled 5x in 1 day….I am learning to literally lift up my hands and say, You control it God and make it work out. Show me what I can cut out or do to make it work. I know You care & You will make a way. 
I just really wana shout out to my amazing husband & partner in all of this, he pulls more than his share of the load. He changes just as many poopy diapers as I do, bathes the boys 99% of the time, does the nightly ritual of putting baby to bed & 100% cares for the boys if they wake during the night. Not only is he the entertainer of all things play in the evenings, he is also the first one out of bed & has coffee brewed for me when I drag myself out 10 (or 20) minutes later. He often cooks us breakfast, or half of it at least & never complains about helping me with last minute meal prep. He never leaves the kitchen until the table is cleared. If it looks like the dogs may fare too richly under our table he will find the broom & remedy that. He washes many dishes, and loads/unloads the dishwasher whenever there is a need. Many laundry-day evenings will find him helping me clear our bed and put away what I didn’t get folded yet. If I’m feeling like I need space, he usually figures out a way for me to get groceries alone or takes the kids on a drive or takes them outside. Anytime there’s even the slightest opportunity that one can ride along with him, he will be the first to suggest it. My chocolate stash stays well supplied. I am so grateful that he helps me around the house until the toys are picked up and things in order so that I can sit with him after the babies are in bed. There’s alot more, but you get the picture, he is Super Amazing & I wana be more like him. I’m seriously so humbled how well he loves me in word & action. 
We were very grateful to family for watching our brood so that we could celebrate our 5th Wedding Anniversary in May. It was seriously one of the cheapest and best vacations we ever had. Originally our plans were a bit more elaborate to celebrate the big five. But then when we had to downscale we knew right away it was the perfect opportunity to relive our first dates and part of our honeymoon in MO. Something we had often talked about doing, and I’m so grateful circumstances led us in that direction. While it is awesome to make new memories, it is so soo good to stop and remember where we came from and how it all started. Even experience those first heart flutters again. 😉
We took the kiddoes to the zoo and the parade.. felt like big accomplishments and they loved it! They spend many hours on our swing set Dan built and the pool has been brought out of storage. We also added 2 baby kitties to our family and thankfully their airways seem to handle frequent squeezing quite well. They absolutely love pizza, so Lil Caesars has seen us quite frequently! We have had more than our fair share of sicknesses, Dr. appointments and teething irritability and are always so grateful for the few days of good health! And we have gone on multiple road trips, we love traveling and the kiddoes do fairly well with it as well. So yeah, its been pretty interesting around here.
And just like that we are halfway through 2017 already and it feels like it was just January. I’m presuming the rest of the year will evaporate just as quickly. One day blends into the next and the months slip away without us hardly noticing. We hope to look back at these days with fond memories and not just a blurred image. Are you saying Yes to what matters today?
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog [top right corner] or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
by Julia | Oct 11, 2016 | Foster Care, Our Captured Life
Hello to October and Autumn, it is so nice to see you!! For the first time in my life I am absolutely so happy to see Fall and say good-bye to summer & heat. I think perhaps it is because of hardly doing any swimming this year. But the cool days and changing leaves have me in so many smiles today and I am just delighted at pulling out a jacket! The smell of cool, air-blown laundry in from the line, and burning cinnamon-apple candles, ahh! I saw the neighbors put up Christmas lights and that got me excited, only to be shot down by my hubby saying that we don’t need to rush it! 🙂
July 5 we did say good-bye to #MrSunbeam after having him in our home for a day short of 7 weeks. It seems like it was a short time, but he was the happiest lil fella and we had quickly fallen in love and gotten attached to him, our first lil boy! He went to a wonderful home and they reported he is walking and doing well, so it was definitely a success story with a few tears.
We decided to quickly go to Nashville that very weekend to belatedly celebrate our Anniversary, and we had an amaaazing fun time. I want to update with a few pictures yet! Don’t you know, we hadn’t even been on the road for 3 hours when we got a call for twin 4 month old little girls. We definitely wanted them, but also knew we were on this trip and were supposed to be. So we said if they can wait till Monday, that would be great, if not, we understand. And it turns out because of the uniqueness of the situation they could wait till Monday. I was sooo tickled!! And of course had to go buy them a few cute outfits 🙂 Well. on Monday, somehow we got twin BOYS instead. Kinda a shocker, but we were still delighted. They don’t look anything alike, but of course we think they are sweet, adorable and just perfect! They don’t expect it to be long-term, but time will tell! So, by now you can probably understand why this update is just a tad behind.. They have stretched my mothering capabilities beyond what I thought I could handle and left me groping at times, truly not knowing what to try next!! As soon as we’d have them on a feeding schedule for a few weeks, they’d have a growth spurt, or wanted to sleep less and we had to figure it out all over again! Sometimes they’d wana be rocked and sometimes just lay in bed. Currently however, they are 7 1/2 months old and are eating baby food, cereal in their bottles, are on a very reliable schedule and sleeping well. Most times they like to be rocked to sleep and just since they’ve been sick they like if I rock both of them at the same time, thankfully we have a rocking loveseat which makes it very possible. I’d say we’ve grown; from getting up 13 times that first night and having multiple night time feedings, to now sleeping all through the night is quite an accomplishment! They usually go to bed around 7 and wake @6 – 6:30 am, taking 2 naps a day. Also am quite proud of their accomplishments. From just laying on their backs when they came to now crawling and Buddy is pulling himself and walking along furniture. He also just cut his first 2 teeth this month. We nicknamed them Buddy & Bubba, it just kinda fits them! 
Otherwise around here we finished up the garden and cleaned it all away. I completed and passed my high school education test, which is same as a GED in most states. Growing up we were only allowed to go through 8th grade and I’ve always loved school and wanted to complete it just for my satisfaction. My computer was restored, for $0!! My niece was here for 2 weeks and we accomplished A LOT on my to-do list, which is making for a MUCH more relaxing time caring for the twins, editing pictures and catching up on personal things. And helps me be ok when all I get done during a week are the basics. We also had a family reunion in Linn, Mo with my family. We just took what we got with family pictures!
My sister and family from PA were here for a week, and we had a delightful time, but definitely different with 6 kids in the mix! They had so much fun.. 
Hubby is in full harvest swing.. Even though the days get long, I am so happy they are having beautiful weather and not much rain delays and hoping it will continue so they can be done before November. There was 1 week when he didn’t get to see the twins from Sunday till Friday, but then there were 2 days that I got to ride with a lil, thanks to my sis for babysitting. I think not being able to go with him makes the days seem alot longer. But I will enjoy them, because before we know it, time change will be here and the days will be so short! Peace to all & here’s a challenge for you:
“Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person’s seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next.”
E. Elliot
by Julia | Mar 23, 2015 | Musings, When God Writes your Baby Story
It’s dreary and 45 degrees today..
My spirit is heavy. I know God has such an immense plan for us. The journey we are on is so beautiful and yet the process can be so painful. Why does pain need to be involved? And yet I welcome it. I welcome God to use it. Knowing that it is refining me – getting rid of junk. And to uncover a jewel lots of refining, purging, sanding away needs to take place. There is incredible beauty from pain.
Dear God, use this pain as part of your purifying process. Teach me your way. I know You are sovereign. You are so mighty. I know you are in control. I know this because you are my King and I submit my life to You. I gave You my desire for a family. I placed it in Your Hands and continued serving you. Sometimes I have been very confused as to what You are doing and other times I smile and dance just knowing that Your Almighty Hand is smoothing the pathway. With your own fingers you are drawing the route on our life-map.
The unknown [not being able to see around the next bend- or why we went down this hill, up that mountain, thru that desert..] that unknown is at times really hard to accept. But I know you are protecting me. You see the road ahead and you allow me to see all that I need to, to be safe. And the rest; you protect me from it. I hear you say, “Just trust Me”.
Oh Father, I have been trusting. I will continue to trust. My faith has been shaken. But you know what, I think I’m finally getting the picture! Everytime that I stop, everytime my faith feels shaken, everytime that I don’t want to keep walking on this specific pathway you have smoothened for me, everytime that I want to run back to the intersection where I had the choice of following the pathway You designed or the one where I could choose my own way that with the human eye looks good and filled with ‘comfort and ease’. And in all those when my flesh wants to quit, to drag me down that other road- whispering in my ear, ‘it’s not sin, it’s just easier, it’s what you want’. But I stop. I cry. I ask for You. Your help. And everytime I choose to believe again, to give it ALL to you, to passionately follow and trust in You. My faith is grounded another level deeper. It’s like another measure stronger and I know that it went through the fire, it became strengthened, concreted enough for whatever is next. Because the next boulder that falls in my pathway may be just a bit larger, a bit tougher than before. But I am not going to turn around or quit, so it is going to have to be moved. In those questioning times I am gaining enough strength and faith to be able to OVERCOME and move that boulder away. In faith I am going to conquer in Your Name. I will keep on the pathway You are scripting. I will choose to believe.
I know ultimately I only want what YOU have planned-no matter how hard it is. I want to stay on the road that you are writing just for me, because it’s all for your glory. I know that someday I will understand. Someday all this won’t seem cruel at all. Instead I will fall at your feet and worship you, being able to see what all you protected me from. What all you prepared me for. …
and at this point I hear God gently whispering, “I want you to fall at My feet and worship me today. Without seeing the whole picture. Without understanding. I want you to worship me in faith. Because I AM good all the time.”
Faith is believing without seeing. Faith is what makes it possible to worship without feeling like everything is good in our life. So today, I once again grab that faith and cling for dear life. And I will worship because I know that my God is good and is doing good things in my life, whether my human eye can see it or not.
How do you get through difficult times?
[Edit: this was written last week, just getting around to posting it today..]
by Julia | Jan 2, 2015 | Musings
I’m hearing a lot of; “Oh this past year has been the greatest one yet.” “It’s been the best year of my life.” “2014 was such a great year, ready for another one!” “The past year was full of so many good things-welcome to the New Year.”
And so it got me thinking…of my past year.. And I couldn’t help it. Pretty soon tears were sliding down my cheeks. This past year was probably the hardest year of my life. In some ways it could almost seem like a ‘wasted year’ with no real big accomplishments to show for. But, deep in my soul I felt a stirring, a peace and a smile through my tears, gently telling me that those 12 months of difficulty, tears, and pain were not for nothing. They were moments of ‘hands-on teaching’ from my Abba Father. I learned how to speak more kindly and take time for what matters most. I have become more of a sensitive person than I even deemed ‘necessary’ a year ago. And probably even other areas that I’m not aware of. It’s definitely been a year of peeling back those layers and becoming more aware of who God really is, not just who He is, but who He is to me. He is simple not just some kind of man in the skies whom we love if we want all good things to come our way. Stop and truly answer this question, WHY do you love Jesus? {beware, it could change your life.}
I realized something that I have been pondering on for awhile…. that ‘moments of joy’, ‘good times’, ‘best memories’ and ‘wonderful things’ are not what define whether or not I had a good year. What really defines good for us? Is it in the comforts of men and the fleshly pleasures of humanity? Or are we ONLY about the glory of God and concerned about the fame and renown of Jesus Christ?
Yes this past year was one of the hardest and most painful ones that I can remember, yet I wouldn’t trade it for one that was filled with easy roads and flower-strewn pathways. If that’s how yours was, then thank Him, if not, still thank Him. It’s often at the end of a calendar year that one looks back to the moments that penetrate our minds. For some the ending of the year looks even better than they envisioned, for others it looks nothing like what they had hoped or imagined. Despite all the laughter and good times, the blessings and the touches from God. We also see the loss, painful experiences, and sickness, plans that ‘failed’, dreams that seemingly were crushed.. Many people would say, “Just focus on the good times” -but I’m thinking; those other things, they affect us the most and should we just forget them? So if we choose to focus on one or the other it will automatically define whether we look back and say that we had a great year, or our year was just a mess? Neither one seemed right to me..so here’s a bit of my heart….
I could share with you the excerpt that I’m not printing (the details of my year)–but this isn’t some kind of pity party and this isn’t about ‘levels’ and ‘categories’ that I would then automatically be thrown into with your human mind {sorry, it’s something we all do and so I’m being helpful by leaving it out, to drive home the point here}. This is about learning there aren’t levels…and letting go of those categories in our human thinking…..our pain may be different from anyone else’s but it’s been passed through our Father’s Hands and His only level is true purity and beauty. I don’t believe He measures the pain -He’s measuring the results. We automatically put pain in levels, who has the worst and those that have the easiest levels—but are there levels in God’s economy? Who are we to judge whether or not something that is ‘happening’ to us could be worse, or is ‘bad’? If we are sons and daughters of the King, nothing will come to us without the Father allowing it. I’ve come to realize that He has a perfect ‘combination’ for us-the one that will wipe away all that self. We might look around and think we have it the worst, or we might think that we could never handle what our friends are going through. But the truth is, your journey, even though it’s different than mine, is perfect for you and God isn’t giving you an easier or a harder level, he is simply giving you his grace, and allowing the trials He knows it takes for you to be all that He wants you to be, combined with how much you are willing to give Him…[which could be another whole post on it’s own]. Beings we are created with different abilities we all have different areas to grow in and He knows just exactly how much it will take to make us into the kind of person He wants to mold us into and to achieve the results He sees can be reached if we allow every ounce of it to do a work in us and the world around us. [It’s not about us, it’s about a greater purpose..] So if we say, ‘Oh, it could be so much worse’, than we aren’t truly allowing the pain of the situation to mold us, we are only thanking God for something that He didn’t give us. And by all means, if it’s painful.. don’t just take it in… use it!! Let it change you. If you just take it in, you are just accepting inflictions from the devil, you must let it change you to bring glory to the Father. Think a bit about the death and the prayers of Jesus—God allowed exactly what He saw was necessary to save the human race. Was Jesus praying and thanking God that it would be over soon? No, He prayed, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want you will to be done, not mine.” And then again, “My Father! If this cup cannot be take away unless I drink it, your will be done.” –He didn’t want the pain, but He knew that if the Father was allowing it, then He wanted to drink it.
So, yes I am thankful for this past year and the things it has taught me.. I won’t just say it’s been a wonderful-great year and forget about the pain, hurt and trials. But I will say that it has been a beautiful year, realizing that even though it wasn’t what I had planned for or dreamed of, it was God’s, and I’m so thankful that if He chose this pathway for me to walk through, that I didn’t throw the cup out, but drank it. I realize that it’s taken me awhile and I’m hoping that I will only continue to learn more about the nature of God. Whether it be through what my earthly mind would deem as good times or bad times. I realize that there is nothing to be ashamed about in both–but in both there is always a God that wants the glory. So whether it be a difficult season you are in, or maybe you are experiencing showers of blessings, remember that everything can be used for His good and for His glory. And joy, true joy isn’t dependent on your circumstances. Even though 2014 was a hard one, God was soo good to me and I am so thankful for the journey He has me on. My prayer is that in both I would always , ALWAYS remember to give God the glory! Allow Him to have the paint brush and your canvas in life will be being made beautiful once 2015 draws to a close…
..to Him be the glory.
