by Julia | Mar 23, 2015 | Musings, When God Writes your Baby Story
It’s dreary and 45 degrees today..
My spirit is heavy. I know God has such an immense plan for us. The journey we are on is so beautiful and yet the process can be so painful. Why does pain need to be involved? And yet I welcome it. I welcome God to use it. Knowing that it is refining me – getting rid of junk. And to uncover a jewel lots of refining, purging, sanding away needs to take place. There is incredible beauty from pain.
Dear God, use this pain as part of your purifying process. Teach me your way. I know You are sovereign. You are so mighty. I know you are in control. I know this because you are my King and I submit my life to You. I gave You my desire for a family. I placed it in Your Hands and continued serving you. Sometimes I have been very confused as to what You are doing and other times I smile and dance just knowing that Your Almighty Hand is smoothing the pathway. With your own fingers you are drawing the route on our life-map.
The unknown [not being able to see around the next bend- or why we went down this hill, up that mountain, thru that desert..] that unknown is at times really hard to accept. But I know you are protecting me. You see the road ahead and you allow me to see all that I need to, to be safe. And the rest; you protect me from it. I hear you say, “Just trust Me”.
Oh Father, I have been trusting. I will continue to trust. My faith has been shaken. But you know what, I think I’m finally getting the picture! Everytime that I stop, everytime my faith feels shaken, everytime that I don’t want to keep walking on this specific pathway you have smoothened for me, everytime that I want to run back to the intersection where I had the choice of following the pathway You designed or the one where I could choose my own way that with the human eye looks good and filled with ‘comfort and ease’. And in all those when my flesh wants to quit, to drag me down that other road- whispering in my ear, ‘it’s not sin, it’s just easier, it’s what you want’. But I stop. I cry. I ask for You. Your help. And everytime I choose to believe again, to give it ALL to you, to passionately follow and trust in You. My faith is grounded another level deeper. It’s like another measure stronger and I know that it went through the fire, it became strengthened, concreted enough for whatever is next. Because the next boulder that falls in my pathway may be just a bit larger, a bit tougher than before. But I am not going to turn around or quit, so it is going to have to be moved. In those questioning times I am gaining enough strength and faith to be able to OVERCOME and move that boulder away. In faith I am going to conquer in Your Name. I will keep on the pathway You are scripting. I will choose to believe.
I know ultimately I only want what YOU have planned-no matter how hard it is. I want to stay on the road that you are writing just for me, because it’s all for your glory. I know that someday I will understand. Someday all this won’t seem cruel at all. Instead I will fall at your feet and worship you, being able to see what all you protected me from. What all you prepared me for. …
and at this point I hear God gently whispering, “I want you to fall at My feet and worship me today. Without seeing the whole picture. Without understanding. I want you to worship me in faith. Because I AM good all the time.”
Faith is believing without seeing. Faith is what makes it possible to worship without feeling like everything is good in our life. So today, I once again grab that faith and cling for dear life. And I will worship because I know that my God is good and is doing good things in my life, whether my human eye can see it or not.
How do you get through difficult times?
[Edit: this was written last week, just getting around to posting it today..]
by Julia | Jan 2, 2015 | Musings
I’m hearing a lot of; “Oh this past year has been the greatest one yet.” “It’s been the best year of my life.” “2014 was such a great year, ready for another one!” “The past year was full of so many good things-welcome to the New Year.”
And so it got me thinking…of my past year.. And I couldn’t help it. Pretty soon tears were sliding down my cheeks. This past year was probably the hardest year of my life. In some ways it could almost seem like a ‘wasted year’ with no real big accomplishments to show for. But, deep in my soul I felt a stirring, a peace and a smile through my tears, gently telling me that those 12 months of difficulty, tears, and pain were not for nothing. They were moments of ‘hands-on teaching’ from my Abba Father. I learned how to speak more kindly and take time for what matters most. I have become more of a sensitive person than I even deemed ‘necessary’ a year ago. And probably even other areas that I’m not aware of. It’s definitely been a year of peeling back those layers and becoming more aware of who God really is, not just who He is, but who He is to me. He is simple not just some kind of man in the skies whom we love if we want all good things to come our way. Stop and truly answer this question, WHY do you love Jesus? {beware, it could change your life.}
I realized something that I have been pondering on for awhile…. that ‘moments of joy’, ‘good times’, ‘best memories’ and ‘wonderful things’ are not what define whether or not I had a good year. What really defines good for us? Is it in the comforts of men and the fleshly pleasures of humanity? Or are we ONLY about the glory of God and concerned about the fame and renown of Jesus Christ?
Yes this past year was one of the hardest and most painful ones that I can remember, yet I wouldn’t trade it for one that was filled with easy roads and flower-strewn pathways. If that’s how yours was, then thank Him, if not, still thank Him. It’s often at the end of a calendar year that one looks back to the moments that penetrate our minds. For some the ending of the year looks even better than they envisioned, for others it looks nothing like what they had hoped or imagined. Despite all the laughter and good times, the blessings and the touches from God. We also see the loss, painful experiences, and sickness, plans that ‘failed’, dreams that seemingly were crushed.. Many people would say, “Just focus on the good times” -but I’m thinking; those other things, they affect us the most and should we just forget them? So if we choose to focus on one or the other it will automatically define whether we look back and say that we had a great year, or our year was just a mess? Neither one seemed right to me..so here’s a bit of my heart….
I could share with you the excerpt that I’m not printing (the details of my year)–but this isn’t some kind of pity party and this isn’t about ‘levels’ and ‘categories’ that I would then automatically be thrown into with your human mind {sorry, it’s something we all do and so I’m being helpful by leaving it out, to drive home the point here}. This is about learning there aren’t levels…and letting go of those categories in our human thinking…..our pain may be different from anyone else’s but it’s been passed through our Father’s Hands and His only level is true purity and beauty. I don’t believe He measures the pain -He’s measuring the results. We automatically put pain in levels, who has the worst and those that have the easiest levels—but are there levels in God’s economy? Who are we to judge whether or not something that is ‘happening’ to us could be worse, or is ‘bad’? If we are sons and daughters of the King, nothing will come to us without the Father allowing it. I’ve come to realize that He has a perfect ‘combination’ for us-the one that will wipe away all that self. We might look around and think we have it the worst, or we might think that we could never handle what our friends are going through. But the truth is, your journey, even though it’s different than mine, is perfect for you and God isn’t giving you an easier or a harder level, he is simply giving you his grace, and allowing the trials He knows it takes for you to be all that He wants you to be, combined with how much you are willing to give Him…[which could be another whole post on it’s own]. Beings we are created with different abilities we all have different areas to grow in and He knows just exactly how much it will take to make us into the kind of person He wants to mold us into and to achieve the results He sees can be reached if we allow every ounce of it to do a work in us and the world around us. [It’s not about us, it’s about a greater purpose..] So if we say, ‘Oh, it could be so much worse’, than we aren’t truly allowing the pain of the situation to mold us, we are only thanking God for something that He didn’t give us. And by all means, if it’s painful.. don’t just take it in… use it!! Let it change you. If you just take it in, you are just accepting inflictions from the devil, you must let it change you to bring glory to the Father. Think a bit about the death and the prayers of Jesus—God allowed exactly what He saw was necessary to save the human race. Was Jesus praying and thanking God that it would be over soon? No, He prayed, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want you will to be done, not mine.” And then again, “My Father! If this cup cannot be take away unless I drink it, your will be done.” –He didn’t want the pain, but He knew that if the Father was allowing it, then He wanted to drink it.
So, yes I am thankful for this past year and the things it has taught me.. I won’t just say it’s been a wonderful-great year and forget about the pain, hurt and trials. But I will say that it has been a beautiful year, realizing that even though it wasn’t what I had planned for or dreamed of, it was God’s, and I’m so thankful that if He chose this pathway for me to walk through, that I didn’t throw the cup out, but drank it. I realize that it’s taken me awhile and I’m hoping that I will only continue to learn more about the nature of God. Whether it be through what my earthly mind would deem as good times or bad times. I realize that there is nothing to be ashamed about in both–but in both there is always a God that wants the glory. So whether it be a difficult season you are in, or maybe you are experiencing showers of blessings, remember that everything can be used for His good and for His glory. And joy, true joy isn’t dependent on your circumstances. Even though 2014 was a hard one, God was soo good to me and I am so thankful for the journey He has me on. My prayer is that in both I would always , ALWAYS remember to give God the glory! Allow Him to have the paint brush and your canvas in life will be being made beautiful once 2015 draws to a close…
..to Him be the glory.
by Julia | May 21, 2014 | Our Captured Life
Here’s who came and saw me today! My 2 adorable nieces…it sure cheered my afternoon just watching them play! And seeing all these tiny dolls and miniature little strollers and swing. And the teeny puppies that stayed ‘magnetted’ to the mama dogs mouth! Aww yes I know I sound like a kid! 🙂
Shania
Amy
So much adorableness…
And of course we can’t forget the handsome lil guy, which was trying so hard to be ‘all-boy’ with so much girl-ness all around him!
Mason, very proud of his new mitt and ball!
And just a lil update on my progress; since a shower alone seems to exhaust me I just frequently wash my hair in the sink and today I managed to do it alone. I am trying so hard to not become discouraged…all I want to do is be able to be up and working without getting faint and tired. Mornings are still the most difficult and always need help out of bed. Also haven’t stayed alone yet as trying to sit down and get my pillows to elevate my straight unbendable leg seems to be more than I can manage. I think my dear hubby is starting to wear out, he won’t complain but he’s been doing all the cooking, laundry and caring for me plus his job…I found some pickles in the freezer. I think it’s time someone starts bringing us some meals to ease the load for him.. til later,
by Julia | May 20, 2014 | Our Captured Life
It really is quite strange to not have all those bandages on and actually be able to see what all they did. The worst thing is it feel so unsupported. We still wrap it up with ACE bandages, but with all the gauze gone the brace is so loose and when I walk it really hurts to try and put weight on it. Kinda feels like it is gonna ‘give way’. So I called the Dr and they said we can come upright away and they will adjust it. So as soon as someone could come take my Hubby’s place in the combine he took me to the Dr. I actually just saw his assistant Ms Diane Miller. She not only fixed the brace, she showed us how all the straps work! It’s quite the contraption!! But once it’s all explained, it’s actually kinda easy; but it sure had looked confusing. As much as we hadn’t felt like spending a $100+ out of pocket for the brace, we are now glad it was a requirement. With that not letting me bend and offering support in the right places I am allowed to put as much weight on as I can stand. But I still haven’t learned the art of walking without crutches 🙂
I’m feeling a lil more adventurous since ‘having’ to get out of the house. So I spent a few hours over at my sisters house and she brought me home then. That was so nice for something different!
Riding in a vehicle is still an interesting outing…because I only get to sit in the back seat sideways with my leg up on the seat. I told my hubby it’s starting to feel like he is having to “put the child in the carseat in the back” everytime we go somewhere.
I have been busy organizing everything for Amish Sweets’ baking which starts this weekend. So many recipes to copy. Ingredients to buy. Prices to gather. Itemizing everything to see what my prices need to be. Receipts to be tallied. So if you wonder just WHAT I am doing with all my spare time on my chair…that would be it!
Plus today I officially begin adding therapy-at-home to my list of necessaries.
by Julia | May 18, 2014 | Our Captured Life
Yep I was hurting pretty bad by this morning! And we agreed that I’ll be taking those pills before bed tonight. 😉 It’s a real chore to get everything accomplished every day. When I’m sitting I can’t move my leg whatsoever without someone else (or me) picking it up and helping it. Getting in and out of bed by myself is not an option. Makes me realize over and over again how very blessed I am to have such a wonderful patient husband! He does a truly amazing job of helping me with every lil thing and I don’t ever hear him complain.
When I went to have surgery done it didn’t even cross my mind that I wouldn’t be able to attend church the following Sunday. Yea, I know, I was really naive about it all! But now I’m wondering how Looong I’ll be stuck at home?! We had a message from Santosh Poonen that we’d wanted to listen to, so that helped our morning pass more quickly.
My dear Hubby cleaned up the house, vacuumed, and washed the dishes. We had high hopes of getting some visitors all afternoon. BUT. No-one showed up, we were kind of really disappointed. Not being able to get out makes one realize how ‘shut-ins’ feel and why we should go visit them. So take it as Lesson #1 Julia, Remember, even if you don’t have anything to offer or wise cheerful things to say. Just go visit those people. Just seeing something other than 4 walls will bring them a smile and break up their time!
Late in the eve, we finally called Hubby’s mom and siblings and they came up for about an hour. But it had been a realy loong day and we were so glad to see night-time. 🙂
