disclaimer: written in 2018 when I found out all this good news. AND be prepared for a series of belated updates I want to actually post on here for my own ‘recording it’ benefit.
I cannot believe I’m actually writing this post. Is it really true? I’ve dreamed of the day and dreamed of how I would share the news….but now that my dream is a reality, I’m speechless! I feel like I’m in a daze and wonder when I will wake up. I am truly pregnant.
When did you find out? The morning of June 5th, 2018 I decided to take a pregnancy test because I was a few days late and even though I was pretty sure it probably was gonna be a negative, I knew we had a big week ahead and I just wanted to know! I laid it up on the counter like I usually do and about 10 minutes late I checked on it. I saw 2 lines for the first time EVER and I literally got so faint I had to sit back down on the toilet. I could feel all the color had drained from my face and I was shaking and in complete utter disbelief! I took another brand test I had and it also showed positive..all I could say n think was, is this for real? And breathing Thank-you Jesus!! I took a selfie in case I wanted to text my husband but I looked completely terrified! Plus I knew I wanted to see my husband’s face and he wouldn’t believe me without seeing a pregnancy test, so I waited until he came home. Which, he came home in the forenoon because we had court for our twin boys that day. I managed to hide my phone and start video so that I could capture his response and I pulled out the positive test and showed it to him and he just stood there, stunned. After a bit he goes, Are you serious? I don’t think I ever saw him so shocked in his life. He had no clue I was gonna take a test. And I will spare you the rest of the details, but it took months for it to really soak in!! And yes, I took a few more tests and went to the Dr. to confirm it before I actually allowed myself to believe that there was truly a baby forming inside.
Now let me finish the rest of the story, we quick got ready and headed to court for our twin boys. We knew there was a chance that a decision would be made about us being able to adopt them, but there had been many ‘chances’ before. BUT guess what?! That very same day we found out we will be able to adopt them, not just a maybe, their Mom signed the papers!! Surrendering her rights. She wanted to make sure we will adopt them and OF COURSE there was no question about that. God answered so many prayers…
That day was completely insane (shocking). People were so happy and excited for us about the adoption and of course we were too. But inside we were just bursting with, “YOU ONLY THE HALF. God has completely blown us away!!!” Later I found out my best friend was pregnant as well (5 wks apart) and we’d dreamed of being pregnant together. I was 30, and crossing over that threshold was a huge deal to my heart about becoming/not becoming pregnant. There were more details I had prayed for that came to fruition and I kept saying, Ok God, my cup is not just full now, IT’S OVERFLOWING! Like can there be any bigger harvest than this?! We had been praying for a forever family and a forever home to call our own for years.. and now suddenly in the year 2018 we got not 1 but 3 forever children and we also bought our dream place. (story to come soon).
So the first few pictures was how we announced it to family and then we had fun photoshoot with Mary Kate Paschall Photography. And she gave me the copyright to print, so that is why you will see it on the pictures, but she gets all the credit! I couldn’t just pick a few, so… photo overload!
Words really seem inadequate to describe how we feel with all of this. Very overwhelmed, humbled, grateful and in utter awe. I actually struggled a bit being so happy and saying ‘God is good’. Because He is GOOD no matter what our circumstances are and that is something I would say again and again in the midst of our trials.. But NOW I was actually, literally, seeing and tasting another layer of that GOOD! He delights in making His children happy and this is definitely one of those times and I’m going to do all I can to make Him look as good as He is, and overflowing with JOY right now is totally appropriate! 🙂
It’s been a month now, settling back into a family of four. It has definitely not all been roses, but it’s been good. Still in the midst of winter rains meant my husband was home a lot and that in itself was sheer awesomeness. We relaxed and spent lots of time playing & bonding. The boys seem to do better these days if we get out and spend time away from the house. I understand that, sometimes there are little reminders around our everyday that just trigger sadness & memories.
My 16 yr old niece, that has siblings through adoption, was here for a few days and she shared with me an excerpt of her diary after one of our goodbyes that just made me weep. It was the sweetest thing. I tend to remember the positive and happy times from all our sweet children and use memories as a reminder to pray for them. I don’t cry over it too much but sometimes a good cry is so healing. The loss and grief are real, and something I am not scared of embracing. And the feelings her writing brought up made me cry because it is so true, we will never ‘be over it’. It’s part of who we are and always part of our story.
Written by my niece & shared with her permission: “They love her, adore her and I honestly don’t think they’ll ever get over her. I don’t think they’re over #mylilgirlie, #my2ndlilgirlie, or #MrSunbeam -and I don’t think they’ll ever be. They give themselves wholeheartedly, no matter how often they get burned. Every time a child leaves, part of their heart goes with them. And you know what? Every time they give themselves like that….God gives them more. They can’t always know it just then – but I can see the love overflowing that God keeps giving them. Do you think that if they give all of themselves to children-that is, if so many come and go that all of ‘their’ heart is gone, divided among their children…that by that time ‘their’ hearts will be ‘God’s’ heart – full of love and overflowing to all they meet? I do. Because I see it happening already.”
I always under-estimate what I think we are contributing to these lil ones. It feels like so little, or almost damaging when we have to let them go again when all they want is to stay here with us. And yea, we do kinda throw ourselves head over heels into every kiddoe and makes it so hard to say goodbye. But I keep telling myself that a healthy attachment is something that will affect them the rest of their lives, according to statistics anyways.. It was also touching to me that our life is speaking not only to the kids but to those around us, and that God is seen. Every moment counts and affects those around us. My nieces seem to love me and I sure hope that ultimately Jesus is the reason. If our lives are an inspiration for them to chase after the ‘more than normal lifestyle’ I couldn’t be happier!
So anyways, we cry hard. We laugh hard. And we live our best life, everyday. I am trying out a new method of parenting, balancing work and play, the next few months and I’ll let you know how it works. But I’m pretty excited, because these boys seem to constantly need me by their side and I find it so hard to find a balance. I need them to learn to play alone, and yet I also want to spend tons of time with them. They haven’t been exposed much socially in the past year, besides family and church, because who can handle 4 kids under 3 in public with 2 hands? I’m hoping to change that this summer and we took our first outing alone this past week. We tried out shopping, Dollar General seemed like a good place to start. Let’s just say I ended up with tags to give the cashier, bubbles blown inside the store, m&ms scattered on the floor, batteries & gift cards grabbed & thrown before we got past them, less chocolate purchased than what I had initially put in the cart… am I weird to say I laughed & enjoyed it? They really did listen well and weren’t terrors, they are just so fast and strong and smart that I can’t keep up! I am debating about buying leashes because parking lots are intimidating…. We stopped at a new-for-them park close to our house on the way home & they loved it! I could sit and watch them all day. It was definitely worth it, getting back in the car after one stop Buddy says, “So much fun!” 🙂 They jabber all the time and are creating new sentences and conversation everyday. Sometimes I just want them to be quiet, but mostly they crack me up and make me laugh so much everyday. Ugh, I’m so incredibly in love with these boys.. So so proud of them!
You know that’s something I’ve been thinking about lately. We all have our days when we are so exhausted and spent with trying to figure out this ‘mom thing’. And I do not have it all figured out. But I am realizing how important it is that they know they are valued and chosen. Loved & Celebrated. People say, oh your kids won’t remember all the times you messed up. But what are they going to remember? Are you filling their love tanks? Celebrating lil moments and making sure they have good things that will always be there without a shadow of a doubt? Inevitably, hard things will come and we will mess up, but if we aren’t intentional to see what we do have, we will wish for it when it’s gone. Or at the least we will wish we would have found joy in the moments. Give your kiddoes the gift of knowing that their momma adored them and was always so proud of them, not based on their behavior! Everyday is a gift and it matters. Molding today will affect how they view life tomorrow. So, so many people tell us that we have no idea how much this lil time with these kiddoes in foster care will affect their lives. I challenge you that the time you have with your littles today is going to affect their future as well. It’s not just for foster children.
Love is not just providing their needs, cheering them on when they are successful, or performing for them. Love is speaking words of value into them, spending time holding them, playing with them or doing whatever their favorite activity is-together. Time where we pay attention to them and not just what they are doing. Love freely, hug often, play fiercely, kiss frequently & build a bond that will last.
I forgot to share some of their 2-year-old photos… They had a fun time playing football with Daddy & tackling each other while I snapped away. Oh, and voluntarily picking flowers for me. Totally melted. I wish you could see their dimples, the life in their eyes and their faces full of happiness.. They are the best! Also, some big things are coming up in the next month that will possibly guide us into more insight for their future… Please join us in praying for these lil sweethearts.
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
Ugh, my stomach literally feels upset. Nerves. Today I am packing up my lil big girl and sending her to her ‘new home’. (as we so lovingly call it) Another transition for her. Number seven in just the last two years of her four year old life. Actually, that’s just from the past two years that I have known her, it’s hard to say where all she lived before then.
So she well knows and understands what is coming. It has been a week of trauma unlike I have ever experienced. Tears over basically nothing, whining, upset stomach, questions, resentment, lying, dejectedness, lack of appetite and did I say tears?.. SO grateful for the authority and power we have over these things in Jesus Name. Whew though, sometimes you just want it all to STOP instead of taking the time to stop and guide her through it. I’m the first to admit it wasn’t a pretty week, but God was so good through us in the midst of it all.
The other night after bedtime prayers, as I was tucking the blanket around her; I leaned down close to her face and whispered, “Miss ____, I am so sorry for all that you are feeling right now….. Immediately tears welled up in her little eyes. She knew what I meant without me saying more. We’ve talked about what emotions we feel when we go through certain things. Why she is struggling with everything this week. She asks again, “Does Jesus have power?” “Yep, all you need to do is say Jesus, He is always right there with you and stronger than anything else.” [..just a tiny excerpt of our conversation that followed..]
So yeah, #Glitterbug left again a few days ago. I am truly excited to see her go and begin life with her new forever family and biological Dad. It will be a big transition, but a good one. She hasn’t lived with black culture before and like we learned in training; we can love them and care for them as much as possible, we can never be blood-family-connected or give that to them. [Please don’t misunderstand, I am not against adoption, but that blood connection is something we cannot fill and it’s a huge gift to have family be reconnected. The sole purpose of foster-care by the way.] It is a tremendous gift she will appreciate as she grows older, to be exposed to and get to understand and appreciate that side of her culture. A big loss is to be separated from her brothers she grew up with in the past year, but she is gaining older siblings.
It tore me up today, we did pretty well going through her stuff, packing what she wanted to take along and discussing what’s happening. I leave the room and then hear sobs, almost screaming. “But I just want to go for a visit and come back to you.” So we just hug and cry together. And pray. Again. I keep asking God to redeem this pain in her life and let her be dynamite for Him. To destroy those voices and rejection. To cover her. I know without a doubt, that even though I feel helpless to help her. I have a purpose in her life. Prayer.
Shout out to my in-laws for loving her (and us) so well.. It has been a big adjustment into this foster care life for them. But I cherish these supportive moments. A thoughtful farewell dinner and little party. Sweet touches all around. Flowers specially delivered along with gummy bears the night before. Goodbye hugs without too much emphasis on the why. Last minute play-dates. A book dropped off just in time so she can take her favorite story along. [And if you want a really good book for an interrogative kid, about God in daily life, pick up this book!]
May you always leave a little sparkle wherever you go.Â
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
I got to hang out with these handsome lil guys awhile back to document their Birthdays. Almost they share a BirthDAY but are 3 years apart. They are so sweet & fun! I was just a lil nervous because we had shade, then bright sun n heat and a 1 year old who wasn’t too impressed with sitting outside in it. But at least he didn’t cry and one can easily see how adorable he is, even without a smile!! 🙂 During the first part we had a lil fun with being a cowboy, for which Cashton is perfect. Celebrating being 1 for Greyson, and then dress-up. These boys always look classy thanks to their mama’s good taste! 🙂Â
Disclaimer: if these photos are viewed on a PC, I’m sorry they look so grainy. I’m trying out new settings for web exporting and so far I’m not convinced I like it. Please help a girl out if you have a way to get them to look clear and sharp on FB and blog. Seems like people just care what it looks like on their phone these days.. Anhoo, have a lovely day.
Last fall I offered to take some family photos for our little church group to use for the calendars I was making… I just loved it! It gave me the opportunity to branch out and practice without feeling pressured to get a perfect shot. And I was pleasantly pleased with the outcomes. Plus we had a beautiful huge yard/field with lots of trees in amazing fall colors, adorned with an old barn right beside a nice pond….Ahh 🙂 picture perfect.
First we had Jesse & Sarah Yoder –I am so blessed to know this sweet family. Sarah is such a wonderful mother and is also blessed with an amazing creativity and shares some of that on her blog. I’ve especially enjoyed getting to know her more in the past year and sharing in our growing walks with the Lord. Their dedication to their kids and doing special things with them sure shows in each of their happy faces. Kendrick always seems to have a lively tail to entertain once the stories get started and it doesn’t take much to get to see his big smile and it’s awesome to pay him a compliment to literally watch his confidence grow. Megan has such a sweet mothering heart–reminds me so much of how I imagine I was as a girl. Alyssa is seriously the most angelic little lady I have ever met, and warms my heart when she comes up and says, Could you hold me Julia? Or, about 2 months past her birthday she randomly tells me that she was sad I didn’t make it to her birthday party. How sweet. Jayden is so full of life, I just love when I can catch him off guard or alone and get to hear him chatter non-stop, cuz when he has the chance he loves to hide behind his mama’s skirt! OH and Jesse…hmm, I’m sure he rounds out their family quite well.. lol. (Let’s just say that he would have some kind of smart remark to give back to me should I read this aloud to him!:) )   And they just announced they are pregnant! I’m so excited for them! Best wishes to your family..
