by Julia | Jun 11, 2018 | Our Captured Life
Hey hey, I decided to spend the month of May focusing on sharing from our fostering experiences on Instagram. May was Foster Care Awareness Month and I joined a group of ladies posting something everyday. So if you want to see a bit more into the depth of our journey, read the last months posts and give me a follow! 🙂
Also I have been writing out the details of my journey with Endometriosis and a glimpse into my surgery, so they should be coming soon. I can hardly believe that it’s been 11 weeks since my surgery!
One more tiny detail… I’m going to be 30 years old the end of this year, no I can’t believe it… Anyways, in my family we get to choose (& plan) what we want to do with the whole family as a celebration! We try to have the celebrations in the summer, so I picked May as the perfect month, although we ended up going on our Wedding Anniversary wknd. Planning a 3 night stay and finding lodging for 20 adults and 20 kids is no small task. At first I thought it was more of a punishment than a privilege, but it ended up being quite the success, not to mention an accomplished feeling getting it all worked out! I wanted to go to the Creation Museum and Ark Encounter. I found that General Butler State Resort Park in Carrollton, KY was perfectly between Creation Museum and Ark Encounter. We had right under an hour drive to both places. We went to the Creation Museum first on Monday and Tuesdays at the Ark. Definitely recommend doing it in that order and going during the week. Also we discovered that in the afternoon we would have had way less people at the Ark than first thing in the morning. Although we did go before school break and I am sure the summer is busy all the time! My family gave me creative gifts of cash for my birthday and I got to buy my dream- a Shark Robot Vacuum!! I’m in love with it, well almost, lol!
Enjoy 🙂
one of our cottages.. 
my gifts….
The whole Miller Fam-Bam!
by Julia | Jul 6, 2017 | Foster Care, me & my jewel, Our Captured Life, When God Writes your Baby Story
Been pondering what to share this month and I suppose it may be time for a bit of a personal life and family update.. Fittingly so with this being the month marking 1 year ago that we received twin baby boys into our home. Seems a bit surreal and sorry if you already know all the stats, but I wanted to write it down for my own remembrance 🙂 
Last July 5th we said good-bye to our first lil boy #MrSunshine and a few days later we welcomed twin 4 1/2 month old boys into our home on July 11th. Because it wasn’t any legal or criminal issues, but merely a lack of proper support, as soon as birth mom was back in shape the boys returned home, no questions asked. I won’t say how many questions and doubts I had, but I chalked them up to me being overly sensitive n attached to the boys in wanting to keep them. In those 5 months we had definitely fallen in love with Bubba & Buddy and were heartbroken telling them good-bye on Dec. 7th. We were not in any rush to take new placements in allowing ourselves proper time to heal (more on that another day.) Also I kept somewhat in contact with mom and told her we would like to support and help her with the boys when she delivers new baby girl in February.
On a personal life level, just prior to the twins leaving we felt led to do a few tests and check out why I have been having such severe menstrual cycles. Crippling to the point of vomiting and, well, I’ll just end it there. We didn’t really receive the quick fix we had silently been hoping for, except that the Dr. recommended I double or triple my pain meds and swap off with tylenol and ibuprofen. My body had become immune to ‘2 advils’.. He, however, felt pretty strongly that I probably have endometriosis. And if you know anything about it, the only way to confirm it & repair it is through surgery. He suggested we check out the Creighton Model FertilityCare System and do some blood work as cheaper alternative ways to definitely track what is going on with my body. So during this kid-break, we took the opportunity to take the classes & learn the CrMS charting. We have been really impressed with it so far. God opened and closed some doors pretty clearly to us in what to pursue, and at this point we are happy & at peace where it led us. If you have any questions feel free to ask, & hopefully we will have more answers in the future.
December & January We took a Florida vacation, celebrated the Holidays with family, partied in the Smoky Mountains and just did life TOGETHER.. Emotionally we just really needed each other. And I didn’t see myself being ready for another attachment in quite awhile. The end of January, I was in contact with the twins’ mother and we ended up watching Buddy while she was in unexpected labor with baby.. she was not early but with many complications, it was prolonged and we ended up getting Bubba a few days later and were so enjoying babysitting them! They seemed kind of in shock but definitely recognized us and our home. Baby made it, but by a series of complete miracles and would end up having a month stay in the NICU.
And then the text came…I was actually rather shocked and my heart was kind of confused with all of it: “The boys’ trial home visit has been disrupted and they will be staying with you again for awhile.” Babysitting was suddenly placement. Of course I was excited to see them, love on them and watch them grow again. But so much had happened in those short 8 weeks and my heart was not prepared for this at all.. They turned 1 a month later & we got to celebrate their birthday with them! But at the same time, it tore me apart. So confusing and traumatizing for them. So disappointing for the bio mom & family. That’s not all, we also got 2 more of their siblings, aka sisters. Two days later 3 year old Glitterbug came & a month later we brought Miraclebaby home from the hospital. Yes we are busy and yes it can be overwhelming. Also YES, our hearts are full!
Look at all those hair!
There are so many things I wish I could tell you about them and their lives.. But obviously it is not my story to tell. Just know that these are some of the sweetest and most beautiful children around. 3 out of the 4 are high energy kids, and cause me pure exhaustion by the end of the day. They have adjusted to us and life here quite well, perhaps better than what we have!
It has been over 4 months now being a family of 6. Let me tell you, becoming an instant family of 4 kids, ages 3 and under is no joke. And 1 year twins in the middle?! Of course the first month is all fun and everyone is doing great. Month 2 the crazy is high and the real is coming out, turns out 8 wks can raise alot of insecurities for babies. Month 3 we all just want to quit; but we keep reminding each other of that moment we knew God wanted us to say Yes and we keep pushing through, verbalizing that we embrace this life and family. Month 4 we have found a new normal and most days we feel like we are ready and ok for the long haul this appears it is going to be. And we are learning how to specialize in each individual to bond with them instead of lumping them together in an overwhelming sense where no one feels valued. We actually love doing this again & treasure having a family. Routines have definitely taken shape and bring security to us all. I don’t know how I do it most days, but have discovered that the best way to not become overwhelmed is to not ‘plan’ to accomplish anything. Lessen my expectations. Be satisfied in playing on the floor most of the day. Feel full and accomplished without crossing off a to-do list. Believe me, it is still a work in progress, that last one. But I have to constantly remind myself what is most important and not just in a cliche type of way. FOR REAL. Currently I am learning how to carve out time for what God wants me to do on a personal level and am in search of soul rest even in the daily ‘crazy’ schedule.
Recently I was kind of berating God, why He had brought us to a place of peace in saying Yes, and then just left us sit and fend for ourselves in this difficult journey? Why does it suddenly seem like a heavy burden to bear?! He reminded me of the verse my yoke is easy and my burden is light and that I had been trying to carry this yoke alone. I need to come away with Him, into His yoke and it will be free & light. That takes intentionality. Time to stop. Rest. Commune with Him and allow Him to guide every footstep and not just go go go…. In the midst of 50 things pounding in my head that need to be done, schedules & appointments nearly colliding, visits being rescheduled 5x in 1 day….I am learning to literally lift up my hands and say, You control it God and make it work out. Show me what I can cut out or do to make it work. I know You care & You will make a way. 
I just really wana shout out to my amazing husband & partner in all of this, he pulls more than his share of the load. He changes just as many poopy diapers as I do, bathes the boys 99% of the time, does the nightly ritual of putting baby to bed & 100% cares for the boys if they wake during the night. Not only is he the entertainer of all things play in the evenings, he is also the first one out of bed & has coffee brewed for me when I drag myself out 10 (or 20) minutes later. He often cooks us breakfast, or half of it at least & never complains about helping me with last minute meal prep. He never leaves the kitchen until the table is cleared. If it looks like the dogs may fare too richly under our table he will find the broom & remedy that. He washes many dishes, and loads/unloads the dishwasher whenever there is a need. Many laundry-day evenings will find him helping me clear our bed and put away what I didn’t get folded yet. If I’m feeling like I need space, he usually figures out a way for me to get groceries alone or takes the kids on a drive or takes them outside. Anytime there’s even the slightest opportunity that one can ride along with him, he will be the first to suggest it. My chocolate stash stays well supplied. I am so grateful that he helps me around the house until the toys are picked up and things in order so that I can sit with him after the babies are in bed. There’s alot more, but you get the picture, he is Super Amazing & I wana be more like him. I’m seriously so humbled how well he loves me in word & action. 
We were very grateful to family for watching our brood so that we could celebrate our 5th Wedding Anniversary in May. It was seriously one of the cheapest and best vacations we ever had. Originally our plans were a bit more elaborate to celebrate the big five. But then when we had to downscale we knew right away it was the perfect opportunity to relive our first dates and part of our honeymoon in MO. Something we had often talked about doing, and I’m so grateful circumstances led us in that direction. While it is awesome to make new memories, it is so soo good to stop and remember where we came from and how it all started. Even experience those first heart flutters again. 😉
We took the kiddoes to the zoo and the parade.. felt like big accomplishments and they loved it! They spend many hours on our swing set Dan built and the pool has been brought out of storage. We also added 2 baby kitties to our family and thankfully their airways seem to handle frequent squeezing quite well. They absolutely love pizza, so Lil Caesars has seen us quite frequently! We have had more than our fair share of sicknesses, Dr. appointments and teething irritability and are always so grateful for the few days of good health! And we have gone on multiple road trips, we love traveling and the kiddoes do fairly well with it as well. So yeah, its been pretty interesting around here.
And just like that we are halfway through 2017 already and it feels like it was just January. I’m presuming the rest of the year will evaporate just as quickly. One day blends into the next and the months slip away without us hardly noticing. We hope to look back at these days with fond memories and not just a blurred image. Are you saying Yes to what matters today?
If you enjoyed this post and would like to connect on a more personal level, please connect with me. Or if you need prayer, I would love to be in touch with you! Email me at capturingjewels@gmail.com -Follow me on Facebook or on Instagram. To follow along on our journey and not miss any posts, subscribe to the blog [top right corner] or follow my blog Facebook page, not just my personal one.
by Julia | Dec 10, 2016 | Foster Care, Meditations, Our Captured Life
Nothing like waking up at 6:30 on the first morning of your vacation. Clearly my mind needs to realize we are on vacation. And the best way to do that is to write it out, and beings its still dark and hubby is sleeping, I grab my computer instead of pen n paper..
Yesterday we said good-bye to the twins we’ve had in our home since July. We knew it was coming for awhile and had been having overnight visits, so the transfer went good and in a way it still doesn’t seem real. Like, we’ll just come home and go get them again, right? But I knew in my heart it was different when we dropped them off this time. And oh, it hurt. Why do the tears always insist on coming when I just want a composed good-bye, but instead have to rush away? Each one of our lil munchkins situation has been a lil different, but generally my heart has mostly been heavy with, “What will happen to them? I wish they didn’t have to face this traumatic change and good-bye, I’m grieving their losses, their confused lil minds, their tomorrows.” But this time is different, and to be quite honest, it feels selfish. But I can’t lie on paper. I’m really grieving my loss this time. Don’t get me wrong, I 150% care about those babies and will invest in them whenever I can, I know it has affected them, albeit we didn’t see nearly the fear as in some of the others. And I know because of power in prayer, they will adapt and adjust quite quickly. Sadly, they will probably even forget us. BUT…I didn’t ever want to say good-bye. What’s going to happen to my dream of raising twins? I don’t want to lose them. I just really didn’t want to go thru this right now……yep, I
know, it feels so selfish. But herein is the pain. 
I read a quote the other day about how we embrace pain? I know I need to move forward. But how do I know if I am embracing my pain or wallowing in it, or maybe I am ignoring it? How do I grow from it, let it do it’s purifying work? I’m sure there are more ways than one and I’d love to hear other people’s stories.. Here is something that I’ve been pondering since I read it and I believe there is something in it for me..but I’m still sorting thru it.. So. when we receive a blessing, a good thing. We receive it. We accept it. We rejoice. We don’t question, where did this come from? why me? we don’t resist it or try to avoid it. So when we receive a trial, a painful experience, we should likewise not question (I insert, obviously being mindful of discerning between attacks from the enemy vs God allowing you to walk this path, we never want to welcome havoc from the the devil. but in walking with God I know it can ALL be used to glorify Him if He allows it.) So, we don’t sit here questioning, why me? why this? we grieve. we rejoice. we embrace that this is FOR us. We don’t resist it. All of what comes our way, creating emotions, whether joyful or painful, are to teach us something.
For me, it’s super helpful to be able to recognize and know why I am feeling what I am feeling. Why do I feel this joy or pain. Like I was above. Being completely honest. Otherwise it seems like I am ignoring the real issue & just trying to quickly get thru the symptoms. Embrace the pain and hurt, shine Jesus on it and hear what He wants to say to me in all of this. I guess I tend to be one of those people that thinks everything happens for a reason and even tho there are MANY things that I still don’t know the reason for it. I want my heart to be open and learn and grow even in the most vulnerable, dark days. I would rather feel deeply both joy and pain, than to not feel at all.
Sigh, enough with that for now. Seriously the last 3 weeks I have felt like I’ve only been hanging on by a thread and every couple days that thread got ripped as well. I am such a, what people would call Type A personality. So whenever I had plans made and they were cancelled and changed multiple times day in and out, I was beyond wanting to plan anything. In the middle of it my sister reminded me that God always has a bigger plan that we can’t see and we just got to hold onto that, even in the minute details. It felt like it was all that was left to do anyway, so I just held on. And it got me thinking. So many times we plan things out, we think we know what is best. But we can’t see the big picture. Am I willing to let go of my agenda and allow God, who is looking at me from the future, plan my every detail? Or do I do everything within my power to make things go according to MY plan? What if we lived our lives with hands open wide, instead of it all clenched inside our fist, saying ‘This is how it’s going to go!’ It’s really hard for me, when things are falling apart, to not try and keep it all going according to plan. So I am asking God to let me be ok with letting go and going with His plan…
And let me be clear, I’m talking about the lil things. I know that when a big “life” situation is out of our control, it’s relatively easy to give it to God who controls it all. But what about our everyday plans that seemingly are in ‘our’ control? For example, our trip to Florida was rescheduled and we weren’t sure if we were even going to go this time. And it was all planned so we could relax and leave.. turns out I left without vacuuming, cleaning or having my Christmas decor out. Yes, the girl who loves Christmas doesn’t even know if she’s wanting to get Christmas out. (lets be real, of course I will, it may just be for a week tho.) And if you know anything about me, that pretty much never happens, my house is clean before I go anywhere long distance. Something my Mama taught me! (and I’m silently hoping the ladybugs on the ceiling don’t entirely take over our residence.) But we had an appointment and had to go….. It’s in these things that I’m learning, Let go….
So yup, while I feel quite a bit weary and sad. I am officially in Florida. And I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who blesses me with such an amazing Birthday gift every year. I am excited and hopeful to experience God’s healing on my heart and in my body (which, being worn down has a nasty cough!) And R.E.L.A.X.A.T.I.O.N. ….amen?! peace to all.
[[edited to add, good thing I waited to post this.]] After our arrival to our final destination, I went to the beach just to clear my head right away and my honey went to get sandals which he ‘forgot’ and came back and totally shocked me with some gorgeous flowers. And trust me, it’s not just the flowers, this man really cares about my heart and I am so grateful we are walking this journey together!
Don’t they just add the most beautiful smile to the room?! <3
